Riding the Bicycle

was reading this blog article when some nostalgic feelings came to me

http://lifelongfreedom.blogspot.com/2009/12/forget-about-achieving-financial.html

im quite fortunate in the sense that i learn things adequately fast

and thus the adaptability. for bicycle i kinda get it at first go

which is something i could be proud of.

While some of my friends still arent good at cycling,

i managed to get rid of the 4 wheels by the first few minutes

and within days i cycle with 1 hand at high spd

No falls, apart from accidents rather.

Nowadays i love cycling at East Coast park, if any

feeling the wind, with free hand cycling~ is just great

with that bit of effort, i could almost stand freehanded at one point

reflecting back, maybe that was not the best of preparations for life

which indeed i have the genius in me, which i believe all along i have,

i lacked that potential to unlock the true genius in me, which is the ability to improvise

I'm at soccer for about 1 1/2 years now, with it targetted as my main stream

and in investment, i believe i have learnt more with some money as price

so, no loss no gain, or rather, lose in order to win.

wins here offset a bit off losses there.

I foresee a new year with both sides winning more than losing

this after all the lessons of trying contra, shortsell, buying long,

buying small, buying big, etc etc. (CFD next)

my eyes simply brightened at these "blind spots" and "internal feelings control"

This incoming year will be the year of good side income,

(i would'nt call them passive income just yet)

At the least, I will earn enough to cover 1 year worth of sch fees

but soon, i will be able to say gambling and yes to investment

Investing is when you know what you are doing, and are prepared for it

Huat Ar~~~

iphone ftw~

Bought i-phone last fryday.
for the relative costs paid, i believe its a bargain buy
1) its cheaper in lump sum than my previous phone
2) its a whole lot faster and better and customizable
3) i would'nt mind pay a bit more for a whole lot more

value for money :)

nw to customize my phone, must find apps to
1) zoom the bloody camera
2) be able to customize my ringtone to my fav music!
3) what else...

A Tough yet Fruitful Journey

I guess this is my life, my struggle
my life's struggle. no way i will give up
i foresee many more weekends burnt at home
simply trying to rest whatever's left of the tired soul in me

i guess its simply because i want to balance a lot of things
time is indeed precious!!
i have to balance it between work/studies/play/rest/others
and doing it solo requires much strength too..

maybe thats the reason why i want to gather a grp in Uni
capable of fun outings as well as the dulls like.. -_- studies.
the part-time uni pathway is lonely enough, so cold, so distant
i believe we could do well to share & learn from each other
but its not easy either.

i have some nice plans for the future in mind ..
yes i bet many of my friends will say "plan so much for what?"
and they deem this to be my weakness while im considered detailed
well actually, "plan so much then if die also like that.."
on this mentality, i have another take on it..

i would say: "im not dead yet so i plan while i am still alive, lah"
"when things don't go according to plan, then we shall assess the situation"
"but anyway i'll do my part and plan, so even if i cross road kena car bang"
"no regrets, cuz i have had my plans" =)

Summary

Short-term Goals:
1) Save as much as i can. revising minimum to at least $800 per month
2) Read as much books as i can. being a Slow reader, a target of 3 bks by May 2010
3) Maintain volunteer work with NKF, dropping Renci side though (hard to maintain)
4) Stocks case-studies, from Poems. (30mins-1hr) Once a week
5) From start of yr 2010, study on every weekend (one of the days)

Mid-term Goals
1) Max of 2 yrs at Orange job. To change job to Banking industry related
(need to start accumulating related experience..)
2) 10k net profit by 31st Dec 2010
3) an overseas trip next year - R & R


Lets hope i will not fall short of the targets i set myself. i have faith

i hate sch fees!

Lets hope i will get fruitful results, PLUS
i still have enough balance in my sch fees loan account to pay 2nd yr
10k initial study loan - minus 1st year payements
im left with 5.2k++ in the "loan account" after abt 7 mths of repayment
if 1st yr exam fees are around 2.2k. i'll be left with around 3k
3k+ about 6 mths more repayment before 2nd year payment
i should end up with around 4.2-4.4k in e loan account by May

hopefully i can pay off the 2nd year initial payment w/o hard cash
so i can have enought available to really start investing.
(expect that by then i will be VERY adequate enough in soccer system as well as stocks)

shall see lol

Prayers in silence

received a text sms which made me smile ytd
its from my elder sis! good update from her
im relieved to know about it =)
yeah im glad she is fine. My prayers for her have indeed gone well

hmm, im still a freethinker. but i guess im an flexi freethinker
from time to time, in fact often, in such times, i pray for those close to me,
my sister is a devoted Christian. i pray for her, believe in what she believe in
whether it happens for me or not i do not question,
but as long as my prayers are sent through to God, their god in view, i will be contented

guess this is my freestyle freethinker thinking all the way =/

anyway, glad to know my Sis is fine ^^

Next Stop

was looking at this blog
http://lifelongfreedom.blogspot.com/

haha, yeah need to pick up and learn from other investors
the blogger has some good planning there.
of which i think im still not capable of yet
for now my own plan is to test and try, test and try x 3

i believe, only thru experiencing it yourself then you can feel it for yourself
be it pain, joy, shock, stunned, delirium. Empathy could be the word
to feel it, so you will understand each and every positions/situation
so you would know best what is the best for you
(im talking about stock market)

since im on a low profile low level income now (diploma lvl)
i can afford that bit of risk, rather than lose big in the future
my next move will be to gather 3000 for CFD trial
Contra trial is complete. CFD is next.
Target is to start on CFD by Jan 2010. No going back on my word

Aim

by hook or by crook. 10k extra gain by end of year 2010
Achievable. lets do it!

$800

Thanks everyone for the B'day wishes =)
this years b'day was relatively quite.
ever so since i ORD from army or started working
i guess the more fun filled days are just over.

anyways, for this weekend...
cashback for soccer! but for stocks its red atm.
not too much tho. so i'm not duly worried
anyway was hoping to switch to CFD soon for stocks.

i didnt know if my kind of mentality was crazy or what
but i was thinking, im already considered poor
at least i am in my own opinion..
not a rich kid like in the past, yea true, no longer so

so was thinking, i should make the risky move now to get the cash
and then revert back to a more conservative approach to grow
kinda contrarian approach but i think this is my style
i dont want to save to a good lump sum only to lose it later in my life
i rather learn how to handle big money (considered so at this point of time)
(yes i nets in & out in excess of 1000-2000+ every weekends)
rather than lose much more in future like a frog in the well
frog in the well that gets slaughtered for not having knowhows

but if theres a bridge separating the rich and poor,
its guts to overcome one major hurdle
i knew this would be the toughest, yet i still tried
assuming the wall(hurdle) to climb is 100 metres
im at best 30% to my first "pot of gold"

but i know at least i make the attempt to.
even if i dont make it, my savings would be so much more comfy than others
so i up my savers plan now
next mth, it shall be $800 per month straight into my DBS account set aside!
800 is an emotional figure now, my first Big loss in stocks (cosco corp) haha
:):):) yes i can do it, sure i can, even if i have to eat grass i will achieve it.

hmm..

2 place to decide to be at 12 midnite
one of peace & breeze. one of noise & chaos
hmm or maybe i shud just stay at home..

ahhhh where should i be. LOL

Loss

i had this nice idea/intention which i wanted to do so for upcoming bday celebration
but i guess no luck to do so.. not this time. sigh :( :( :(

anyway, i just EPS-ed $1000 into the CDP account.
(recalled that i mentioned i was prepared to lose as much as this amount for one trade)
i didnt though. but its kinda stupid to think the way i think now

Can i still feel happy when i lose money? i think i can afford to do so very soon
lets say, 500 bucks in just one shot, gone with the wind like that?
i recalled just joking about it ytd nite, that 2 x 500 can buy one LV bag?
well i think its coming true. hahahahaa

i've won a bit b4, enuf to cover at least my all sch loan repayments for half a year now
now its time to lose a lot more. to learn?
sumhow i hope i got over the psychological barrier of handling "big" money losses
well its not really big after all, but still big
LOL "not big but big amount", another of my funny thinkings

for the soccer stuff last year, there was once i couldn't sleep well for 2-3 days
and the amount involved was even less. i think only 300+ for a few teams then
now its hundreds for just 1 company LOL. i guess my fear is reducing! =)
there was one time i lost 100+ in buying 1goal/2goals for 8 champions league games
NONE scored 1- 2 goals. i remembered that clrly.
eventually, I ditched that for the "draw system" which is way better. =)

for now, im pleased to know i have just lost about $300-400(admin charge) for Cosco
really pleased. cause i had the chance (i always had) to make a small profit of $200-300
but i do not know if it was greed or pure optimism or confidence in the chart reading i learnt
then some corrections had to take place, and i didn capitalise on my win
and by then the price corrected and fell. LOL

COSCO corporation. Fark you. u had to realise the wrong news at the wrong time hor..
i will do WHATEVER it takes to be a master at momentum trade on stocks like you
__

this has to change, i've no doubt about my ability to pick potential stocks by now
almost 80% of the stocks i shortlisted (but didnt buy =/ ) have gone up much in value
eg. China Eratat has risen almost 100%!!! it was 0.125 and now its 0.26++!!
or China Sky was once 0.150, now its 2.30++ !!!
the only question is using which method, and timing of exit (after $x of profit etc)

i guess even if have to lose 2k, 3k (as long as i still have enough left to pay my sch fees)
it should be fine. i will handle much much much more money in future
therefore, i think these small amount lost are like real-life fees
real-life fees for developing my own risk management mantra/model

for now i'll treat it as "instead of saving 700 per month"
its as though im saving 500 per month.
OR
i just spent 500 paying for a stocks lesson
(while others spend hundreds on "assets")

thats a more positive way to think ;)

momentum trading

my first big investment move.
lets see hw risky is risky.....

momentum trading on the go.
trend checked and money input-ed
either i win or lose.
im prepared to lose, let say 1000 for this one trade i will
now lets see if i will really lose... haha
no im not mad, im treat this as a learning opportunity =)

learning to handle money, with a certain risk management style
nono, should be, developing my own risk management style
to ensure i lose minimal and gain more than i lose.

Target setting-> minimum standard i now set:
earn enough extra to cover my mthly sch loan repayment of $190
(i have already done that for the past 5 mths)
this will be chicken feat soon...
it beats, for eg, having to teach tuition for 4 sessions a month for 1 student!

Its a Rat Race

sometimes it feels tiring, to drag my body to sch
im glad the weeks over. no thanks to the boring lecturers

todays PBF lecture was monotonous as usual
thought the lecturer did hit some points
it just kinda baffles me. this lec, can say syllabus-wise she's quite knowledgeable
but why is she the way she is now? still a lecturer?

a lot of concepts and theories, but hw issit so that...
all yrs of teaching/knowledge gained din allow her to break free frm the rest
the kind of rat race that everyone is in.......that robert kiyosaki talked about
a world of people trying to outsmart people

i wonder where i stand now. and where i will stand 3 yrs later
this being e 1st year, its easy to say "oh good that you've started some action"
but sumhow i think this is rather not enough still.
i read quite a few books and online tutorials from investopedia
and actually bought stocks already, the fear of putting big money is certainly gone
but it only meant i had some beginner luck as well as some small net profits

but how to consistently earn from market??
especially for day-day or contra style.
technical analysis, i need to zoom in on it. and make it my strength,
i need to explore CFD fast. and options. explore as in BUY IT MYSELF
it certainly doesnt help that im also putting some money on soccer.
this cash liquidity issue will be a pain....

monday

mondays coming soon -_- working nights! hahaha.
oh well, i hope no monday blues mood tmr
yeah it sux, to have lesson after work on the 1st day of the wk
=/ ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or maybe i shudnt complain. 3 yrs only.
=) i edge 1 day closer to graduation!

All the best, Mark-Num

Its been about 2 weeks since Mark, my lunch kaki left
wonder how is he nowadays. havent heard from him much
i would say i am rather blessed, as my this is only but my 1st full-time job
compared to biao(aka kahseng) i probably have a much better environment
(apart from the known fact that my workplace is So Near!)

perhaps i would like to thank God, if there is, (freethinker)
ok, for those who believe, i'll say "thank God"
for those who dont, i'll simply go "thanks for everything"
the past 1 year certainly has been fun-filled and not boring
haha, maybe thats why my PSP was lost (lunch kakis will know why =x)

anyways, i think Mark has contributed tremendously to the fun
he was a real happy-go-lucky despite his fierce exterior when he stared
being Philipino (no pun intended), like what i heard about one statistics,
its quite true that they are the least worrisome of all in Asean.

in the sense that they are not gan chiong like singaporeans.

they are very relaxed and know how to talk/humor.

he and his "Mark-Num" instead of Magnum,

and his "Au-Goose" is his most well known trademark

this due to his American slang/pronounciation, hahaha

and the way he imitates is also very very funny =x

this stupid moron, i shall remember him! hahaha

anyways, getting late, shall add-on a pic to remember the happy times

Cheers~

Step Up!

wow, just finished Step Up the movie ytd
its great, its cool~ and a nice rest followed after
no wonder gayan said she prefered Step Up more to Step up 2
the dance combi was kinda better, (rain dance in Step Up 2's still cool though)

the end dance was like a remix~ (Heavens Remix LOL)
an amazing combination of choreography & freestyle
(IF im not wrong with the terms that is..)
the lady Norah did more of the choreograph,
and the guy Tyler did more of the freestlyle and stunts

well the start of the dance was grand enough, raised my eyebrows liao
then came the part, the part thats more "slow-mo"
with more classic-sounding piano music... damn nice
the girl do her turns and ballet style movements,
and the guy did his freestyle movements while still very much in sync with the girl
NICE! ^^

haha maybe i should start to learn a bit of modern dance~
or social dance and maybe some simple freestyle moves
well it certainly doesnt hurt to know more of everything, anything!
for future use LOL. part of being the "allrounded", "anything" mentality
hehe ^^v

crossroads

crossroads, again
EPL havent been balanced and normal
so crazy scoring and winnings/losings
no bloody draws coming at all ?!?!

should it be time for panic budget input??
(and with it comes just-break-even cashbacks)?
who will dare to put in excess-of-1k++ for one soccer weekend?
stakes are high, how should i cross the bridge?

seems my last season's experience couldn't help!
if i cant sleep properly just this morning, is it fear?
the familiar "butterflies in stomache" feeling?

capital preservation or loss-cutting?
or go with the plan? is my plan really such a risk?
or should faith hold me through..?
there must be a valuation lesson somewhere
looks like i have lots to consider before this sat...

Classic

omg im stuck on watching the classic show
Return of the Condor Heroes
yah! the one by Fann Wong & Christopher Lee
apparently it was due to their incoming RL marriage

good to see the classics once in a while. real "jing dian"
hahaha. xD

:) :) :) :) :)
我相信, 把你的名字
念上一千遍, 就会念成
轮回一千, 年的诺言
渡过雨打风吹的考验

我相信, 把你的容颜
看上一千遍, 就会看成
最永恒的预言
有一天, 我们终将改变
变成了, 唯一的传说

Cao Ge - Bei Pan

shall attempt to sing this song this coming fryday ktv

背叛 by 曹格

雨, 不停落下来
花, 怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人, 欣赏悲哀

爱, 只剩下无奈
我, 一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹着空白
缺了一块, 就不精采

[Chorus]
紧紧相依的心如何 say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己, 完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快
[End Chorus]

心, 有一句感慨
我, 还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段, 还在不在

[Chorus] [End Chorus]

Sorry Blame It on Me

like always, you feel a bit of ?? question marks,
and a bit of "bu zhi dao na li lai de zha dan"
what is perhaps most disappointing, the fact
that humans like to escape from truth, and avoid problems
instead of facing it and solve it, or come to a calm mutual understanding

relationship, or any other things as a matter of fact,
doesn't escape what ive just mentioned.
my family has had their fair share of communication problems too
hence it made me realise the importance of communication & feedback
even if i dont like a particular thing, i will try to resolve the problem
with varied methods of talking, communication.

perhaps its the logical way i try to look at things,
that i've ignored the often dominant human "feel/think" :(
all these can be eliminated with proper talk. not by avoiding.

perhaps i have only myself to blame too
that i cannot expect others to see things in the same light as me.

i had this real small hope that maybe it could have been
but the hope just perished. should i try further?
logic tells me no, nvr aggro anyone. its just not my style
besides, perhaps i have too much other things to bear in life
ive leveld up in that respect.

i'll just focus on the positives of life, just like Naruto
and never give up for the things still to achieve in life
my dreams, my desire to own one very specific item
and ive learnt to counter inability to slp by reading to slp!!!
(and fyi, my mind just couldnt help it, the self-realization lvl was too high =/)

move on, and lets all get along with life,
i'll pray for your happiness and hope you wish me all the best too.
as a sincere friend.

Back to square

back to normal.. im glad im brave enough
i do not regret failing, cause its failure through which i learn..

next stop: Investopedia 101 - One tutorial a day
information overload? nope! i can do it~

next next stop: finish Rich Dad Poor Dad part 3
stuck onto it for too long... last few chapters to go!

next next next stop: chiong revision for studies

next next next next stop: don't look back liao

i treasure friendship more than anything,
if not meant to be, lets be friends then, dont need to hide
im mature enough to know when to give up or withdraw
the important thing is to clarify

though even if it kills me i will never stop trying for things i am so into
to the day i kill my heart on whichever thing, then it will be back to square

Regrets?

i realised that 3 months ago, if say suay suay
i get banged over by car~~
i would have died with not much regrets
cause at that point of time, i have done what i need to, thus far
all rounded development in life, =)

recently, perhaps i do not feel the same somehow
if again, i get banged over by car~~~
i would die with some regrets...
despite(s) a very "colours' added to my life", life
i havent fulfilled one new thing i wanted to do...

the mind is a very intriguing thing
many wonders of an idea came from it
but yet often ppl dun act what they think, contradictory
but i am only human~~(except from Superwoman - Cao Ge)
no wonder i am called "the slow one"... =/

song on my mind: Never Let You Go - Janice


and its the chorus i've been hearing over and over again

what does it take?

not too long ago a girl, forbidden name, =x, kinda said to me...
"wish you all the best in your studies and hope you find a gf soon"
she added with "i am sure she will feel very fortunate/blessed"
it could be just formality talk but i believe she is truthful with her words
i think that sentence kinda, liberated me, deep down in my heart.
it felt like being acknowledged as a guy who is really able to take care of a girl
i knew from then, its time to move on.. and search for someone in my life

relationship to me has been perhaps somewhat of a mystery
and has eluded me so far in my life, yeah
perhaps i was caught up in the trouble of troubles in my teenage life
since then, army has past, and i have grown, a lot.
now i like to use the term, heart and mind, because im so near to finding myself

to me relationship is kinda simple, guy likes girl, girl likes guy
a bit of courage to open their hearts to each other, and thats it~
a bit of openness between them to work out simple, or not-so-simple differences
a bit of mutual excitement to work on their commonalities
so on and so on, the list can be long. but generally:
heart and mind, mind and heart..
it doesnt really need complicated stuffs at all..
it just need 2 connected and understanding hearts/mind.

no needs for the "quarrel will make us understand each other better"
you dont need to quarrel so damn much just to know each other
no absolute need to.... lolx

no needs for the everyday calls or see each others..
you dont need to virtually be there every single fking day...
no absolute need to.... lolx

no needs for the "get liao must maintain" & you becoming the "only scope"
there should always be trust and freedom (but also must be balanced la)
no absolute need to be selfish to want to keep all to yourself
(if the girl is so into you, you dont need to do anythin, she'll also find you, tio bo(right?)

no needs for many many things,
life is complicated and vexing as it is..
why should love be as tiring and vexing as well??

personally, my idea of liking, then loving is simple
it really all starts from being friends, to understand each other better
then comes a stage where you may/maynot realise you r startin to like him/her
if hearts are mutual, it perhaps take a bit of courage from the guy to ask/hint
(come'on guys, well we are guys we just have to be more brave right?)

don't tell me "easier said than done", i will dare to do the things required of me
as in, the controllable side for me, the guys part..
what is left will be the response, from the girls side isnt it?
and if mutually connected perhaps these questions are just to affirm..

it will personally be heart-melting if someday just walking & walking,
the girl will just cuddle herself around my arms, or hold my hands
that probably will affirm any single doubt for me...
no other words/actions required.. just a look at each other and all smiles :)

All-in-All, the best thing in life is to be prepared,
dont need to feel sad when you lack your one,
like-wise treasure your loved ones everyday as though it is the last
dont go crazy when things go wrong but rather, assess what happened.
this rule applies for anything i guess

S stands for Self, and i would like to quote a nice nice lyrics from the song
Stay the Same by Joey McIntyre

"And when you've learn to love yourSelf, you're better off by far"

Fulfil your self exploration before u start to be involved with others
if you yourself arent stable, your potential relationship will be rocky
oftentimes i see a lot of frens, get gf/bf and relationship so fast,
BUT, only to fall out of it as fast... or have lots of problems which are unneccessary
which kinda proves the point... stability perhaps breeds a more stable r/s
and mind you, not all r/s can grow from rocky when young to stable as they grow
hence the so many breakups during teenage years.

dunno why i have talked so much today =x
perhaps these are simply the thots on my mind which i wanna share
with this last sentence i end, good nites!

i would definitely like to hold your hand someday..

Mind & Heart

juz finished Naruto Shippuden hehe
kakashi's Chronicles, story of how he got his sharingan
another meaningfull filler in my opinion :)
its 3am and i should be slapping myself for staying up so late =/

meaningful quote i've mentioned recently
mind & heart > face to face > voice > IM > sms > email.

often times i just see perceived images, or brave fronts, & not e 1st or 2nd tier
voices, talks, typing, etc are communication, yet no direct link
sometimes i wonder if i have tried enough, i wonder about what to do
especially so when i try to care, and share.
i think about how much further i can keep trying,
but i think sometimes life is unfair -> it doesnt give u straightforward answers

EQ wise i already believe i should be stable enough to withstand
thots for me are just thots which are inner controlled and
such emotions can be formed & dispelled at will.
for things controllable, its probably all good, going okay, with no major screwup
for things uncontrollable... sometimes, maybe just sometimes....
i wonder if i need to do a reality check...

sometimes, life can be so simple and heart-felt.
its really just up to us to be honest and truthful to ourselves.

心雨

方文山 really produces nice lyrics..

another nice song, discovered late, as always by me =x

Chorus: 心雨 by周杰伦
词:方文山曲:周杰伦

心里的雨倾盆的下
也沾不湿她的发
泪晕开明信片上的牵挂
那伤心原来没有时差

心里的雨倾盆的下
却始终淋不到她
寒风经过院子里的枝桠
也冷却了我手中的鲜花

no wonder some of jay zhou's songs have been specially chosen
for Chinese Literature in some schs in China, haha

Determination

woah, tired tired. had a fun filled saturday.
i guess this form of saturdays, more of such days,
will do me very much goood :)

the day started when i woke up later at 9.30
OH SHYT im late for soccer, chiong down ~
as always playing soccer is just so fulfilling for me,
played till 11.20, oh no, gotta go back home bathe

i zhao first, walked all the way home from Anglican(soccer venue)
bath chop chop, everything also chop chop
rush down to the Ren Ci nursing home
only to know the 2 new volunteers wun be joining today
so left 2 of us do the work =/

then the staff nurse ask us hang curtain at the new nursing home block
BUT the curtain hook got like, uh, 30-50% spoil one loh, must skip holes to hook
then the contractor come in say: "Better check clearly, we may be changing hook"
then we sian 1/2. LOL imagine this week we hang up all the heavy curtains
the next session 2 weeks later our job become "take down the curtains for new hooks"
wah if that happens i tell you, i will go gaga liaosssssssss
the WHOLE block okays, means about 20 over patient beds in length, then x 2..

in the end we just clean the cupboard and sweep the floor
kaos the newly renovated block was quite ok, but then hor
THEY USING ALL THE OLD CUPBOARDS!!!!
how can sia.... all old and some spoilt liaos... bth
like for example, one drawer, the roller spoil
i pull out halfway, and the drawer fall to below liaos :S

anyway, did that, went off, met ric & gay & biaos for a brief moment
they go watch movie, i went to meet my lunch kakis for Settlers
wooots, fun filled action, and was a laughter session seriously :D
its all action no brainer games hahahaha, esp the Gesture game~
everyone is really "bi shou hua jiao" or hand and leg anyhow gesture liao
hahahaha, and sorry Kay Kay for e "Large" action tat i accidentally scratch tio u
my bad!! >.<

what kept me going in such taxing activities filled event...
hmm, maybe the thot of "all rounder" and "Determination Rasengan"..
from the Naruto Movie but of course! :)
gosh im such a Naruto fan. wahahaha

Blue

shyt la, i saw blue and i cant stop myself feelin blue thereafter

Strength

i realise i need to be stronger
not that im that weak anyways
but, to be even more "zai"

this phase of my life is already to "mo3 lian4"
or condition/train myself to the harsh climates
not too long ago when there were some small issues as well as the start of sch
i realised i coped quite ok , which is good. but somehow i felt its still not ideal
is it just me setting too high a standard or my emphasis on constant improvement?
that i do not know..

what i do know is i must be able to tong a lot of things, heartbreaking or not,
lifethreatening or not, minor or major cases, etc etc.
must be "zai", "eh tong"(can last) or whatever u call it

why does all these thots even come to mind?
probably cuz about 1 week ago i fell sick to headache and flu
i had mc for 2 days and good rest, which is rare
but then hor the very fact that i kena flu for the 1st time in 2mths
irks me.

i dunno whether to look on e bright side tat ..is like:
"i usually fall ill easily" now considered much better loh"
or be unsatisfied that "sian recently got more stressful stuffs and i fall sick liaos"

shyt la maybe its the inspiration of Naruto the anime thats why i start to think like that
wahahaha. ok that is random

anyway its about less than a mth before the verdict on my net profits for stocks
i hope in this recent bull run i can start to make some more net profits
and achieve my target of 3k net profit. =D
i think probably fall short, but if can manage 2k net profit will be good enough also
CAN BE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Drive Me Crazy

last week passed successfully, ive managed to churn on the reports!
this coming week's a little tricky though
lessons (working day nights hahaha) is on Mon, Wed, Thurs, and Sat noon.
can feel my body bearing the strain. physically and mentally it is taxing indeed
but well i should move on strongly. =)

going gaga soon. ahahaha
song playing now: (techno Expresso vs Cinderella)
"let me get a little closer to your heart, hey don't you be afraid"
"let me dream a little longer you're so right;
cuz its your love that will brighten my day"
"baby you're gonna drive me crazy, falling in love with (me) is easy"
"stay by my side"

i didnt know such lyrics are found in techno.
maybe recently have listened more while chionging report
anw, time to rest~

2nd "Working Nite"

lol its time for 2nd lesson of the week
Mathematics 1 ~~
but somehow my mind is not on the upcoming lesson
shyt i better /slap myself and focus..

i think im beginning to miss something now
time may tell
but anyway, good news is i hope my reports can catch up and finish
this after the recent data loss. on track to finish by end of week

long week ahead
"tired but not tired". lololol only possible with me

back to school

First lesson of School
my worst enemy in poly: Statistics
haha, omg, not even Mathes first
but okay i guess =)

i guess it really helps to be part time
the class, oh so quiet, no noises
just people seating in alternating seats
distanced by rows, spaces in between
as expected, hardly can identify any potential study grp

well well, see how ba, hopefully in short future,
i'll be able to at least gather some "easties" tgt
today nvr do much work, Escort interface got prob , canot do anything
hopefully every "working night" will be like this, not so tiring

*prays~

Good Fryday?

If life has it its way, i would like to say: 你贏了 loh
today is a damn disappointing day.

- migration of data after e-buro workstation cocked up due to lousy harddisk
my working data ALL WIPED
-the migration of data causes some work discrepancy and its always nt very nice if boss spot something wrong and you cant help it cuz u already did your best at that hurried pace.
- Rudolph that gay cb gave me a "whatever" attitude reply when i kindly replied
"transformers 2 is value for moneyy but im on disciplined budget.." .am i a fren or?
- i gotta followup all my work the whole of next week & prepare to start sch on monday
- missed out on one selling opportunitty of one of my stagnant stocks..
- latest update to my soccer spreadsheet is lost with data also
- on the way home, ran out of value for EZ-link, not rich enough to one shot top $100
- on the way home, mp4 player hang. cant even listen to music to chill down a bit..
- going home to a cold nobody environment, everything seem distant when i laid on my bed

initial thots: sibei sian, pek chek, dulanz

on second thots: this is just a test of patience and endurance.
i'll see what i can do and improvise on what i have.
this must be my one of my greatest strengths

and hope u'll be free on/around your birthday.. if not i'll be disappointed

数到五答应我 - 曹格

Uber love the melody and lyrics of this song. =)


第一次看着你 就为你心动
聪明的我 怎能让你走
第二次看见你 我竟然失控
是我的错 请你原谅我
第三次看见你 想要告诉你
我真的爱你 是真的爱你
第四次看着你 我有些要求
希望你能够 安安静静的聆听

一.让我保护你
二.让我照顾你
三.所有的要求不能当作游戏
四.接受这命运
五.永远不分离
那最后一个一定要说你愿意

I wanna be your lover i wanna be your man
我只要你开心多一点
Can you be my lover don’t wanna be your friend
给你幸福 和永远

repeat
[bridge] ending with 说你愿意
[chorus x 2]

你说你害怕 因为受过伤
不需要害怕 因为我不是他~

[chorus]
[end]

因为我不是他

walking out of a Mini-Toon™-like store
she suddenly put her hands on my shoulder from behind
"背我", (aka piggy back), she said i paused,
and heart slowed, breathing harder abit
and said "hmmm here shopping centre i shy.."
"no fun one.." *continues walking, breathing continues

really sry to disappoint, i dunno why i wasn't spontaneous
maybe i dun want to be in the shadow of another person
now .. am i not bold or im just dumb dumb...? haha

my fav song has this lyrics:
因为我不是他.. haha..

nvm next time can do better~

A 10 attracts a 10

Fathers Day dinner
had a small chit chat with Bro-in-Law Qing Yuan
he mentioned about his passion in real estates
while for me its more into stocks and soccer
haha lets exchange pointers in future.. =)

otherwise, he mentioned sumthing like this:
"see how la, a 10 attracts a 10"
"and in similiarity a 6 attracts a 6"
"u cant really have a 6 attract a 10, will be very hard la"
i proceeded to tease him with "heh then my sister leh??'
lucky hes streetsmart enuf to give a politically right answer.

hell yeah, and hence the need for constant improvement
and i wonder what i will attract? hahaha
(kahseng aka biaos will sure come and say 0, LOL)

2 weeks

i cant believe sch's starting in after 2 weeks time
06 July. test of mettle. but i believe i will come out stronger
everyone have their own path to carry, mine may be slightly tougher

heart and mind

in the short instance she grabbed my right arm in the darkness
and stuck quite close to me due to the blackness & fast moving cyclists
the sudden closeness, i felt like just hugging her and stop there
my heart probably said yes. but my mind told me i shouldnt.

it told me the time is not rite, at least it is not for her i know
the closeness in proximity perhaps didnt mean anything , for now
so i just stuck out my hands to sorta shield her, hands on shoulder type
and swap place wif her to continue walk on the safe side of the road

believe she will be too preoccupied with her other thots.. to even see this post
hope she will be fine, yes i'll pray for her..

i wonder when will it be that someone will think of me =/

"where someone thinks of you, that is one place you can return to"

Friendship?

Theres this ex-classmate, whom i treat as good enough a friend
though may not see him for quite a few months
we have our differences, yet still okay okay
still, regard as a good friend.

he wanted to borrow 500 from me, lolx
(on the fact that he is a business owner(as he claims to me)
i do not understand why a business owner dont have spare cash at all.
500 i definitely do not have in my active account,
(i had at most $300 budget for the remaining of the month)
my other savings were either self-imposed "locked" or in CDP account

so i felt paiseh not to have enough to help. well, money,
money is a sensitive issue isnt it? 500 means 5/7 of my savings per mth!

and so the following day, he asked for 100 bucks (... i have enough.
i lent him. i did I-bank over by lunch. so as to address his problems fast
i help him cuz he mentioned can return latest the next day
so i asked the next day and a few days later and a few more days later
no replies or whatsoever frm then on.. lolx..

thankfully, I'm prepared. money lent = money out. unless is a true fren.
so lets see if this fren is true. . or a 100 dollar frenship>?i will not press much more, lets see if hes "auto" enough, lets see... lolx
i will wait and see, i will wait, let say 1 mth. i am very patient :D
(if i have to pay 100 bucks for each frenship i'll be pretty broke!)

i already thot about the various outcomes and the various actions/reactions,
and i realised im chuckling as i typed all these. hahaha
if it pays to fail, then i will fail more, to be wiser.
just like World of Warcraft....
"You are Not Prepared"

Precisely i am prepared thats why i thot WoW was boring........

i spent more money than usual today!

bought a gift today :)
very nice and cute, and a lot.
wahaha shall not mention further details
have been trying to find it high and low
but cant really find what i had imagined
oh well, this is good enough, at a good price

reminded of some things.
it is decision time. someone asked me some random question last nite
is it better to have chance, last chance or no chance?
given the timing of the question and the period,
i was at a lost of words. hard to explain or describe :(
needed some thots and i finally figured out how i would answer that

good "shou huo" today nevertheless ^^

Roller Coaster

I remember my post before about Life being a Roller Coaster, and my take on it
i havent really lost sight of it.

http://bravo-y2k.blogspot.com/2008/09/life-is-roller-coaster.html


i so wanted to mention this in a convo but realise it could be outta control
i shud just shut up and listen at times lol.
its my failure if i fail to get you to talk

it is not often in life that i find someone whom i want to understand day by day.
bold sentence this may be but its all true for me.

when i get less than positive response
i'll ask myself " is it me? am i nt good enough"
or "did i do/say something wrong"
the feeling, that kind of feeling sets in

when sincerity is met with an iceberg, i found myself clueless

heart sank feeling

why, why is it that the ones you are looking forward to,
are never looking forward to you... am i nt good enough?

the feeling of loss. the "i should have done so feeling"

LOL
i just check ESPN.
Bolton 0-0 Sunderland
Everton 0-0 Tottenham

i was supposed to put 300 on Sunderland and Tottenham
(for neutral readers its no longer termed gambling
it was a calculated measure to buying and profitting
it was investment that was tested and proven Success)

300 bucks would have meant 900+ moneyback for 2 draws
it meant i would have capped the "season" on a high note - 2.5k profit.
but oh well, i was happy i didnt buy :)

you see, i have made net profit of 1.8k and due to put in 300 this week
But, there were only 3 games left on the fixture.
i had to decide if i shud stop input and forego future profits
(profits like this very week which i just missed out on)

i think i was wise not to input. if i had input, and still no draw
i had to continue follow up, which meant more input.
i was more than happy to stop at the profit i had already made

walking out of the MRT, i had to decide.
Turn Left (to meet ric and frens at Fish and Co park mall) or
Turn Right (to the Plaza Sing Singapore pools outlet)

i decided, "to the left to the left"
i was prepared to missout on huge potential profits to counter huge potential choices
i told myself, "if i miss out, so be it, cause it is not part of my "portfolio"

all-in-all, im very glad i made the choice to turn left and stop for this season
i leveled up in real investor thinking~~~~!

Light

I no longer need to see the light at the end of tunnel
no longer need to look forward to such

any day, i can open door to a world of darkness
but i can choose to switch on the lights or rest in peace

=)

taking control

my mentality was that im nvr ready, im nt prepared, etc
that made me strive to move on and on,
nw i have a chance to slow down the pace and steps.
hw shud i deal with life? esp when uni is coming soon

can my optimism, slightly new-found, bring me through?
or still some selfdoubt hold me back like it used to?

can my reinforced confidence shine my path?
or still some sense of insecurity clamp my courage?

i wondered a lot of things, and i dunno if i have done the correct things
yes the past week i really dunno whether i should have done what i did
or say what i said, or chose what i chose to do.
a struggle between reality and still dreaming.. no one will understand

having this "solo" mentality made me wonder time and again,
when am i finally ready, hw do i define ready anyway.
is it 'being stable'? then what is 'stable'
is it 'maturity'? what is considered 'maturity'
is it to what myself think, or is it to what others perceive as,
is it a comfortable income? is it a blooming personality?
or is it being all rounded in each aspect?
(i always thot it was that, but even then i need to know to what extent,
specifically and clear to my eyes)
i'll give myself some time to think over, and define it.]

i still have plenty to review
i need to know where i stand in each area/aspect now and in the next 3 yrs
i need to know where i can go along my path
kaos, life is troublesome if u take control of it yourself. sigh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

am i stupid to keep thinking of 'what may have been". yes that girl.
its her bday next mth. shes my 9-10/10 scale girl. definitively
ive knwn a few decent girls but few can match up with her lol.
with due respect, but they are far off mans =x
but maybe im not that standard yet so i dun deserve such a nice lady
maybe there were others around me, but i dun see them
maybe i should be the type to ask for numbers from girls
most say im stupid, i would say im just not that into them. lolx

time to work~

so alike

saw someone like her, very much
hairstyle, size, facial features side-wise
she was in pink, just at the next cabin
i couldn't help but just keep peeking and
kept wondering, wondering, if its her indeed...
but tooo crowded =/

but cant be, her stop was even further than Bedok
which is rare as her mrt line is supposedly NE line anyway
haha i must have seen wrong, but hell, really look quite alike.
=\

Uni Application

Payment made, Offer accepted Part 1 completed
now left next week, Part 2, RELC , submit documents again -_-
yes, submitting of all documents again.
same set of photocopy which i gotta do tml. =/

life is going to get tougher from July onwards isn't it?

nah no way lolx. i won't let that happen. =)

Sundae

had a good sundae outing with my lunch clique
we went to Escape Theme Park
wow searing hot sun it was...
we waited one hour, or almost
for a thrill of 3 rounds for the go-kart =/

not bad, kay kay was infront.
after she went off, desmonster was behind her
followed by "utama' tan jing han, and then me
after the lane was wide, dez shot infront of kay kay LOL
then jinghan and me curve around her

imagine going up circular slope like in carpark..
kay kay went into the inner lane, jinghan middle lane
i was the outer lane, when we reach the top(3rd floor i guess)
i overtook them despite outer lane, jinghan followed
and poor kay kay was behind, =(
but i have to admit the part when the 3 of us were side by side..
trying to go up the slope tgt, was damn hilarious.. hahaha

kay kay later had a headache from the bumpy ride
so she went to rest while the rest proceeded with lunch
then she went to rest in dez's car while we proceeded
i applied and got my nebo membership as well
hehe, good membership this is. quite some vouchers and privelleges
and even go party world ktv got 20% discount! lolx ktv..

anyway, by 3 pm kay kay was revitalized. we all were ready
"Confessions of a Shoppaholic" hahaha
"debu" mark thot it was a sissy show, well it was a little
but it was great financial lesson if you look deep...
so true, and true, very true, to the point u only slap urself when u realise
perhaps the rich can afford to do so, but for most average
credit is "silent poison", numbing you and killing u as time ticks on
thats why robert kiyosaki's rich dad says "don't be average"
i will be "better than average" in the future, for sure

Quotes: "Hi Im Sebestian, I'm not a shoppaholic,
I just spent solely on food and just food, a need, today"

"Do Not enter this call, this is someone calling,
Do Not enter this phone, this is someone calling"

Time/Choice

lyrics from "Time" by backstreet boys,
(just this excerpt)

Time, Look where we are
and what we've been through, baby
Time, Sharing our dreams
Time, Goes on and on everyday,
Time is what it is, come what may


Life is simple.
Its all about choice, just dont regret it...

departure

Departure, not the movie, lolx

how ironic that when I ever became the "bad guy", theres a change..
i remembered once, i purposely PK rudolph(not in anger but in goodwill)
because of his in game fuckedup, his attitude in game has changed ever since.
this time though, its more of a negative change or maybe for the better, idk..

it takes 10 yrs to forge a frenship/relationship but just 1 hr to destroy it
(i've always said the same things over and over but they are true mah!)

i still remember the times, we all play dota, also open to challenges
we may lose, but we also thot "so be it". this thinking have never changed at all
No coms was a fact, its probably seen as an excuse but that is the fact,
and it was what i mentioned super intially, about availability of coms. i was right
in honesty, i would say i really foresore all the possible things that may happen.

so before i pressed the "send button" i gave it 3 thoughts. i knew it would spark reactions
and maybe that is the final thing for freedom and release. she would never understand
the way i saw it long ago,

-> 2 different groups of frens, doing the same type of things -> LAN
with DUE respect, but u can call it lifeless if you want, going in to LAN
finish 1 rnd of game, come out smoke break, then go back in. continue
haha, its like every group that goes to lan shop. just like our past, everyones
anyway we were at starbucks while they were at lanshop. over a cup of coffee.

the girl is fortunate, she got choice, the 2 groups. she enjoyed the other group more
she goes over, and enjoys, very much due to her closeness with the other lady.
its really more of personal preference of who u want to be close with.
and its apparent the choice was decided long ago. when the "tugging" happened.

the only thing was the conflict with my personal belief, in that i fight to try to keep peace
the many times there were conflicts, im hope im not part of the trouble most of the time
i asked for feedbacks, and tried on my part to conveey feedbacks, myself. it failed. FAILED
its gave me the feeling Naruto trying to chase Sasuke, a treasured fren,
but sasukes choice to leave was there already.

on a personal note, ive done what i can and also got others to help as well.
as a 3sg i ask my clerk to do this and that, but i perform the similar tasks as well
they all know how i do things. and they do give me due recognition.
if say: i tell u to do this but i just slack and slp, then i deserve some scolding.
but i tried doing it personally and also asked the best external answer for help

i knew whats the formality and poiltics but i never like it, even in workplace,
i choose to be sincere and not to be fake, my conscience is clear..
this is what is called more logical. or should i say, i simply cant console her.
she found me naggy and frustrating. it was clear.

im like a sniper in maple, and hunter in wow. very much capable solo & team players
i could help to freeze-thaw (icebreak?) in team game, help to misdirect/offtank for wow.
but it is indeed a very sad thing i can't do it in real life.
in the end, i cant resolve conflicts between other parties.
i cant help people if they do not want to help themselves solve it
remember it always takes two hands to clap.

i've done what i believe i could do but apparently its not enough.
she didnt even know im tanking sumthing..
is this what i called "protection"
something which gave me nightmares for some occasions
that very sucky feeling of "Not being able to protect a younger-sister-like or wan bei"
if i weren't a "heart"/personal person, i wouldnt have been bothered, but fact is, i was
i shall not say more. its a blessing in disguise to be ignorant for some things.
she wun see this anyway, shes pissed and maybe very.
but its better if she is and really hope she finds joy with e other group company

Sincerely,
from the heart ( i always do but ppl cant see)
Sebestian