departure

Departure, not the movie, lolx

how ironic that when I ever became the "bad guy", theres a change..
i remembered once, i purposely PK rudolph(not in anger but in goodwill)
because of his in game fuckedup, his attitude in game has changed ever since.
this time though, its more of a negative change or maybe for the better, idk..

it takes 10 yrs to forge a frenship/relationship but just 1 hr to destroy it
(i've always said the same things over and over but they are true mah!)

i still remember the times, we all play dota, also open to challenges
we may lose, but we also thot "so be it". this thinking have never changed at all
No coms was a fact, its probably seen as an excuse but that is the fact,
and it was what i mentioned super intially, about availability of coms. i was right
in honesty, i would say i really foresore all the possible things that may happen.

so before i pressed the "send button" i gave it 3 thoughts. i knew it would spark reactions
and maybe that is the final thing for freedom and release. she would never understand
the way i saw it long ago,

-> 2 different groups of frens, doing the same type of things -> LAN
with DUE respect, but u can call it lifeless if you want, going in to LAN
finish 1 rnd of game, come out smoke break, then go back in. continue
haha, its like every group that goes to lan shop. just like our past, everyones
anyway we were at starbucks while they were at lanshop. over a cup of coffee.

the girl is fortunate, she got choice, the 2 groups. she enjoyed the other group more
she goes over, and enjoys, very much due to her closeness with the other lady.
its really more of personal preference of who u want to be close with.
and its apparent the choice was decided long ago. when the "tugging" happened.

the only thing was the conflict with my personal belief, in that i fight to try to keep peace
the many times there were conflicts, im hope im not part of the trouble most of the time
i asked for feedbacks, and tried on my part to conveey feedbacks, myself. it failed. FAILED
its gave me the feeling Naruto trying to chase Sasuke, a treasured fren,
but sasukes choice to leave was there already.

on a personal note, ive done what i can and also got others to help as well.
as a 3sg i ask my clerk to do this and that, but i perform the similar tasks as well
they all know how i do things. and they do give me due recognition.
if say: i tell u to do this but i just slack and slp, then i deserve some scolding.
but i tried doing it personally and also asked the best external answer for help

i knew whats the formality and poiltics but i never like it, even in workplace,
i choose to be sincere and not to be fake, my conscience is clear..
this is what is called more logical. or should i say, i simply cant console her.
she found me naggy and frustrating. it was clear.

im like a sniper in maple, and hunter in wow. very much capable solo & team players
i could help to freeze-thaw (icebreak?) in team game, help to misdirect/offtank for wow.
but it is indeed a very sad thing i can't do it in real life.
in the end, i cant resolve conflicts between other parties.
i cant help people if they do not want to help themselves solve it
remember it always takes two hands to clap.

i've done what i believe i could do but apparently its not enough.
she didnt even know im tanking sumthing..
is this what i called "protection"
something which gave me nightmares for some occasions
that very sucky feeling of "Not being able to protect a younger-sister-like or wan bei"
if i weren't a "heart"/personal person, i wouldnt have been bothered, but fact is, i was
i shall not say more. its a blessing in disguise to be ignorant for some things.
she wun see this anyway, shes pissed and maybe very.
but its better if she is and really hope she finds joy with e other group company

Sincerely,
from the heart ( i always do but ppl cant see)
Sebestian