If i can, can you?

read if interested if not just read last paragraph. LoLx

a new challenge for me. no doubt an unseen but frequent one
fucked up flu, and wif it comes a bit of temper in me.
can be done, will be done. but i have a question

if I can be changed, easily or not so easily when flu
the question i will pose is: Can you all do the same thing?

the very kind of "xin jie"(heart issues) thats bugging me,
i realised i am super scary/fierce when i explode over taboo issues
but Saturday i was fucking sad,emo & weak(flu) when i heard this word
the word "effort" and "not enough effort"and a stereotype "i am always late".

things have changed, but mindsets remains. its sad

i FUCKING Hate stereotypes. its like a taboo to me
(i believe anyone also hates negative stereotypes, right?)
it began first probably in family
so i fking hate it when ppl have issues they dun solve it
they just avoid it, and talk talk talk talk talk
and when i have issues, it is taken out and "placed on the chopping board"
in simple terms, it could be like "pot calling the kettle black"

WHY are my issues/displeasures Amplified ????
WHY IS THIS SO? does that mean im worth less of a fren? or much more of a fren?
does it mean im more irritable than previous sticky issues(not involving me)?
does it mean im more open to talk and easier to change? (i hope so)
does it mean im more stubborn and need 3 to gank on one? ( i hope not)
does it mean my issues are more serious than others? (i seriously do not think so)
does it mean im more "soft" then its easier to bully? (i am more mild usually)
does it mean im lousy? cannot earn recognition no matter what i do?

Yes this is me, i like to question or ask why why why??
because there are so many possiblities that can be explored.
yet i know i will not get the answer, probably
its only deep down in their heart where i can try to guess =/

i mean, even Naruto can gain some recognition from his frens
he fucking earn acknowledgement from every single fren he come across
what have i? stereotyped as the one always late"
(even though things have long changed) i fking don't like it i swear

just this fryday, lol, another same thing.
my lunch clique was scared im late? i live the furthest ma
and look like im blur blur so.... its like.... "dont be late Seb~"
**of course i do know its in a joking manner lolx, i do observe
so that day i reach 15 mins earlier even though i live the furthest
cased closed. they are happy im happy. and they are fun!

for Sat i will fking make sure i reach on the time i set,
probably gonna be later than before. if usual time is 2.30 i may set 4.
i dont want to tio fucked for no reason. & i fking make sure i cab down if need be
this is a strong resolution

if want clear visibility on timing, so be it,
if want better response, im cool too. can be done!
and if ever, i get that stereotype again.........im afraid i will just kill someone
a VERY selected few, kena my uber fierce mode. my sister is one.
when im super taboo-aggroed, the rage meter hit ceiling ah...thats it.
(of course this will be up to my own self control, i believe in myself)

when i once chao kan my sister for her laundry issue,
i fking swear she super trauma after how i scold her...
no more soft spoken gor gor. everything sweet sweet let you that kind
no more talks of logical advice, or "naggy" brother that day
*and its not even the level of verbal PK with a slightly harsher tone
its PK MAX with harshest ever tone you will hear from Sebestian. i swear


for more details on taboo..
i was stereotyped as one "who will bring down family fortune", bai jia zi?
because of my spending habits in the past...? i also dunno wtf i did to earn it
for as a kid i wanted 1-2 more bars of chocolates? spend most of my savings?
who doesnt? most kids are the same or even worse... tio bo?
one who doesnt practice what he preach have no rights to say others

i was stereotyped as "mei you yong" no use? for not fulfilling my potential?
for not achieving my "GEP or gifted standard? a victim of great expectations?
thats why i fucking hate to disappoint, in a way.
when i once get 286/300, they said can 290/300, when i get 247 psle they said
could be 260 go dunmanhigh. as if its not high level enuf.. still expect more,
and machiam like in a demanding way. no fucking acknowledgement.
no praise nevermind, just do not pour cold water....*important hor
she can never be a motivating manager if she had worked lol......
that was the weakness of my very own mother. yes it is. no doubt
she dont praise as much as she expects from me.


now i fking work damn hard to earn back the reputation, or whatever
and the very very least the most skeptical, in my mum, has also acknowledged that
if life is like naruto the manga, one enduring quality is about recognition.
obviously if you dont get the simple recognition & u still get stereotyped like b4 hor,
you will erupt one, or at least have some plate shift tremors building up... duh
summore the best thing was, its a taboo for me.

its pretty hard to say out things in the mind ain't it.
but verymuch the summary (and im Optimistic, cool no hard feeligns)
issues mentioned for my side will change, can be done
now My challenge back is: If i can, can you? :)