departure

Departure, not the movie, lolx

how ironic that when I ever became the "bad guy", theres a change..
i remembered once, i purposely PK rudolph(not in anger but in goodwill)
because of his in game fuckedup, his attitude in game has changed ever since.
this time though, its more of a negative change or maybe for the better, idk..

it takes 10 yrs to forge a frenship/relationship but just 1 hr to destroy it
(i've always said the same things over and over but they are true mah!)

i still remember the times, we all play dota, also open to challenges
we may lose, but we also thot "so be it". this thinking have never changed at all
No coms was a fact, its probably seen as an excuse but that is the fact,
and it was what i mentioned super intially, about availability of coms. i was right
in honesty, i would say i really foresore all the possible things that may happen.

so before i pressed the "send button" i gave it 3 thoughts. i knew it would spark reactions
and maybe that is the final thing for freedom and release. she would never understand
the way i saw it long ago,

-> 2 different groups of frens, doing the same type of things -> LAN
with DUE respect, but u can call it lifeless if you want, going in to LAN
finish 1 rnd of game, come out smoke break, then go back in. continue
haha, its like every group that goes to lan shop. just like our past, everyones
anyway we were at starbucks while they were at lanshop. over a cup of coffee.

the girl is fortunate, she got choice, the 2 groups. she enjoyed the other group more
she goes over, and enjoys, very much due to her closeness with the other lady.
its really more of personal preference of who u want to be close with.
and its apparent the choice was decided long ago. when the "tugging" happened.

the only thing was the conflict with my personal belief, in that i fight to try to keep peace
the many times there were conflicts, im hope im not part of the trouble most of the time
i asked for feedbacks, and tried on my part to conveey feedbacks, myself. it failed. FAILED
its gave me the feeling Naruto trying to chase Sasuke, a treasured fren,
but sasukes choice to leave was there already.

on a personal note, ive done what i can and also got others to help as well.
as a 3sg i ask my clerk to do this and that, but i perform the similar tasks as well
they all know how i do things. and they do give me due recognition.
if say: i tell u to do this but i just slack and slp, then i deserve some scolding.
but i tried doing it personally and also asked the best external answer for help

i knew whats the formality and poiltics but i never like it, even in workplace,
i choose to be sincere and not to be fake, my conscience is clear..
this is what is called more logical. or should i say, i simply cant console her.
she found me naggy and frustrating. it was clear.

im like a sniper in maple, and hunter in wow. very much capable solo & team players
i could help to freeze-thaw (icebreak?) in team game, help to misdirect/offtank for wow.
but it is indeed a very sad thing i can't do it in real life.
in the end, i cant resolve conflicts between other parties.
i cant help people if they do not want to help themselves solve it
remember it always takes two hands to clap.

i've done what i believe i could do but apparently its not enough.
she didnt even know im tanking sumthing..
is this what i called "protection"
something which gave me nightmares for some occasions
that very sucky feeling of "Not being able to protect a younger-sister-like or wan bei"
if i weren't a "heart"/personal person, i wouldnt have been bothered, but fact is, i was
i shall not say more. its a blessing in disguise to be ignorant for some things.
she wun see this anyway, shes pissed and maybe very.
but its better if she is and really hope she finds joy with e other group company

Sincerely,
from the heart ( i always do but ppl cant see)
Sebestian

Ganbatte

Hang in there. you will make it..
you must have an inner strength stronger than most
you will have it. believe in your strength!
and maybe by now, you are already stronger than the rest

Personality

http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/index.html

Biao showed me this website and said quite accurate
yes it is quite accurate for me lolx..

and yes, it showed i have good taste =) too..
the characteristics are all so similar.. its too late~~

hahahaha,
Jacks of all trade, master of none. this will be the force to push me higher

New Earpiece

sian my earpiece seems to be totally cui liao
may get a new earpiece liao..maybe at IT show
what should i get this time?
BOSE, Creative Aurvanna or Sennheisser?
ARGH another 100+ bucks gone

but bo bian, i love listening to music =/

Work Challenges

New Challenges set for this week
1) New Monthly report template to be up by Fryday
2) Take one light SAM. "i should get a pay raise!"
3) clear my work daily pipeline. (not too bad)

Weather Detector

my nose is indeed a weather detector.
the typical flu/runny nose came and stayed for 3 days
and as of NOW its fking raining heavily at Chai Chee/Bedok area

If i can, can you?

read if interested if not just read last paragraph. LoLx

a new challenge for me. no doubt an unseen but frequent one
fucked up flu, and wif it comes a bit of temper in me.
can be done, will be done. but i have a question

if I can be changed, easily or not so easily when flu
the question i will pose is: Can you all do the same thing?

the very kind of "xin jie"(heart issues) thats bugging me,
i realised i am super scary/fierce when i explode over taboo issues
but Saturday i was fucking sad,emo & weak(flu) when i heard this word
the word "effort" and "not enough effort"and a stereotype "i am always late".

things have changed, but mindsets remains. its sad

i FUCKING Hate stereotypes. its like a taboo to me
(i believe anyone also hates negative stereotypes, right?)
it began first probably in family
so i fking hate it when ppl have issues they dun solve it
they just avoid it, and talk talk talk talk talk
and when i have issues, it is taken out and "placed on the chopping board"
in simple terms, it could be like "pot calling the kettle black"

WHY are my issues/displeasures Amplified ????
WHY IS THIS SO? does that mean im worth less of a fren? or much more of a fren?
does it mean im more irritable than previous sticky issues(not involving me)?
does it mean im more open to talk and easier to change? (i hope so)
does it mean im more stubborn and need 3 to gank on one? ( i hope not)
does it mean my issues are more serious than others? (i seriously do not think so)
does it mean im more "soft" then its easier to bully? (i am more mild usually)
does it mean im lousy? cannot earn recognition no matter what i do?

Yes this is me, i like to question or ask why why why??
because there are so many possiblities that can be explored.
yet i know i will not get the answer, probably
its only deep down in their heart where i can try to guess =/

i mean, even Naruto can gain some recognition from his frens
he fucking earn acknowledgement from every single fren he come across
what have i? stereotyped as the one always late"
(even though things have long changed) i fking don't like it i swear

just this fryday, lol, another same thing.
my lunch clique was scared im late? i live the furthest ma
and look like im blur blur so.... its like.... "dont be late Seb~"
**of course i do know its in a joking manner lolx, i do observe
so that day i reach 15 mins earlier even though i live the furthest
cased closed. they are happy im happy. and they are fun!

for Sat i will fking make sure i reach on the time i set,
probably gonna be later than before. if usual time is 2.30 i may set 4.
i dont want to tio fucked for no reason. & i fking make sure i cab down if need be
this is a strong resolution

if want clear visibility on timing, so be it,
if want better response, im cool too. can be done!
and if ever, i get that stereotype again.........im afraid i will just kill someone
a VERY selected few, kena my uber fierce mode. my sister is one.
when im super taboo-aggroed, the rage meter hit ceiling ah...thats it.
(of course this will be up to my own self control, i believe in myself)

when i once chao kan my sister for her laundry issue,
i fking swear she super trauma after how i scold her...
no more soft spoken gor gor. everything sweet sweet let you that kind
no more talks of logical advice, or "naggy" brother that day
*and its not even the level of verbal PK with a slightly harsher tone
its PK MAX with harshest ever tone you will hear from Sebestian. i swear


for more details on taboo..
i was stereotyped as one "who will bring down family fortune", bai jia zi?
because of my spending habits in the past...? i also dunno wtf i did to earn it
for as a kid i wanted 1-2 more bars of chocolates? spend most of my savings?
who doesnt? most kids are the same or even worse... tio bo?
one who doesnt practice what he preach have no rights to say others

i was stereotyped as "mei you yong" no use? for not fulfilling my potential?
for not achieving my "GEP or gifted standard? a victim of great expectations?
thats why i fucking hate to disappoint, in a way.
when i once get 286/300, they said can 290/300, when i get 247 psle they said
could be 260 go dunmanhigh. as if its not high level enuf.. still expect more,
and machiam like in a demanding way. no fucking acknowledgement.
no praise nevermind, just do not pour cold water....*important hor
she can never be a motivating manager if she had worked lol......
that was the weakness of my very own mother. yes it is. no doubt
she dont praise as much as she expects from me.


now i fking work damn hard to earn back the reputation, or whatever
and the very very least the most skeptical, in my mum, has also acknowledged that
if life is like naruto the manga, one enduring quality is about recognition.
obviously if you dont get the simple recognition & u still get stereotyped like b4 hor,
you will erupt one, or at least have some plate shift tremors building up... duh
summore the best thing was, its a taboo for me.

its pretty hard to say out things in the mind ain't it.
but verymuch the summary (and im Optimistic, cool no hard feeligns)
issues mentioned for my side will change, can be done
now My challenge back is: If i can, can you? :)

not-so-Boring! trip ~~~

So looking forward to my JB trip
9.30am Kranji Mrt tomorrow
Will i make it and not be late? lol

finally one nice outing to look forward to
KLKK and seafood. good enuf for a 1-day trip
^^

Change

In times of Change,
Learners inherit the Earth,

While the learned
Find themselves beautifully equipped,

To deal with a world
that no longer exists

Erik Hoffer

Weekend relax

cool, had a good weekend.
it starts with a hasty decision to watch movie
with biao, watch Pink Panther 2
good choice to go watch. damn fugging hilarious

then met up with hadios kevin kelvin elvin
went to watch rahi's drama performance
'john' (rahi) was the most handsome man in sch
ya ya... when performance ended he had no flowers
LOL

anyway after the drama, we guys went to watch the movie
he's just not that into you. not too bad. haha
poor Capri though... he just watched it the night before
and he fell asleep during the movie

sunday? wokeup around 1+ and went plaza
met up with rud biao and lawson, played 1 game of l4d
and 2 games of dota. LOL so long no dota on lan.
went to eat and wanted to watch movie, but too late liao
(heng ah, if not this week like movie week for me)

went to arcade and saw lauz and kori for a brief moment
went home, facebooked only to know 1st march is lauz bday
=/

anyway not too bad for this weekend
(i used up a bit more money though)
ARGH LEAKING, gotta plug the gaps !

and next week got a brief JB trip...
this certainly wun help in cost-savings =/
i think my GST package is as good as gone.