bRaVo-Y2K

Cry No More

2011-11-23T02:37:00.008+08:00

I may now know a little more, what is feel..
the lyrics alone is best expressed by the moves
(choreo is by my dance instructor Yi-Fan, and a veteran Claudia)

"i don't want to have to cry..., no more, no more.."

Say Goodbye

2011-08-03T01:52:00.003+08:00

Chanced upon this song Mille Feuille by Maybe
one of the main theme song for an iPhone Game
Inotia 3: Children of Carnia (RPG game)
though i havent started the game, i liked this song very much
unfortunately i was unable to find this song to download, no source at all!! =(=(
but anyway i like this song quite alot, decided not to shuffle my music playlist
and decided put this at top of my list temporarily.

in what are faint makeouts of the English words sung by the Korean Singer
lyrics as per below

Lyrics
i see you my lover
i thinking of let go
can't be you're way all my life into me
you never will stay with me
i want a life for you
be still my love, don't be afraid i swear for you

and i don't need to hold on
don't let me stop you
but i could be alone, i say no, better don't, nvr go

i won't say goodbye , you don't hold me tight
but i love you , i was to you
as this won't go away
my love in your eyes,
you take me in your smile
but i'll still be alright never say goodbye

take me back get over you
i wanna leave your chemistry
to say goodbye, what to do
i will still believe in you
forever, maybe I, nvr go in my heart
then it doesn't matter, stay with me

every day and every nite, i'm thinking about you hooooo
hooo,hooo,,hoooooo
but i love you , i was to you
i just wun go away
my love in your eyes,
you take me in your smile
but i still be alright nvr say goodbye

la la la la la.. la la la la la
la la la la
la ... etc etc

Single and available means

2011-07-19T00:31:00.004+08:00

for long period i think hard, what else can i do??
sometimes i blame myself for not putting in even more effort
sometimes i wonder why i'm called "retarded!", maybe i am not sharp enought to catch any hints?
sometimes i doubt myself "what am i lacking to make it a success chase"
but i am still sensible enough to know some things cannot be controlled
know and feel is 2 different things.

i realise i didn't sing 晴天 that day in the ktv.. though i originally planned to test out the song
maybe i'm giving myself a chance to look at the other trees once more.
speaking of trees, i think tonights gonna be a long sleepless night..

刮风这天

2011-06-12T07:06:00.007+08:00

one wise person have said before that problems are meant to be solved
okay im that wise person. hmm but anyway it means i have plenty to solve. =/
eCr over, think i misplan liao... affecting my grad path potentially
the 4 subjects i wanna take are all available only in sem 2. jialats
means if i fail 2 subjects i may not be able to accomodate one more subject
assuming fail 2, one can selfstudy and one must re"lecture"
its also going to effing chor, SGD4700 for 4 subjects to pay in Sept
reserves running low liao -_-

This song's been on my mind recently
i've been humming to the tune:
Jay Zhou Jie Lun - Qing Tian

刮风这天, 我试过握着你手
但偏偏雨渐渐
大到我看你不见
还要多久, 我才能在你身边

等到放晴的那天
也许我会比较好一点

从前从前, 有个人爱你很久
但偏偏风渐渐
把距离吹得好远
好不容易, 又能再多爱一天

但故事的最后
你好像还是说了
拜拜

answer no 2

2011-06-08T03:08:00.003+08:00

answer no 2 was a no....
how should i feel i really do not know now.

1 year to get myself ready.
i keep saying after graduation the 'real life will start for me
be it work, relationship, or anything
sometimes i wonder if it is true..
or am i just falling prey to the mundane working life as of now?
maybe already immune.

but then again, prioritization is important.
studies first for the remaining year(s)
the rest, cannot afford too much focus anyway.

work tmr as usual, yet i cant sleep
stuck with this bloody sorethroat.
roarrrrrrrr!

Spanish Eyes

2011-05-30T06:10:00.002+08:00

another "wake up in the middle of the night" thingy.
nightmare? dun think so. but you were on my mind
exams over so whats next? i guess its freedom for the next 1 mth
then the hectic scampering about will begin again.
hopefully i can pass all, hope i did well enough
fingers crossed crossed crossed =x

"i loved you from a distance though;
i couldn't reach that far;
i can't believe how close that we are,
when i loook into your, spanish eyes
and the world is so beautiful tonight"

fingers crossed crossed

2011-05-05T22:52:00.003+08:00

2nd paper done. fingers crossed crossed.
not looking back. done 75 marks worth of questions
as usual nvr do fast enuf but it was an improvement definitely
the feel was totally different this year.
hopefully all pass to date..

a chat with Christine help me re-affirm that effort is everything
at least it matters this way to me haha!
im gonna double my energy chionging the rest of my subjects
electronic manic supersonic bionic energy~hehe

ok time to mug. where the night falls, thats where i triumph.

Exams

2011-05-04T02:58:00.006+08:00

It starts today. 4th day of May 2011.
Exam times, have studied a lot but not sure if its enough..
fingers crossed..

africa

2011-04-27T03:14:00.002+08:00

Lee Kah Seng said in my facebook post:
"arbo u now migrate to south africa everyday eat porridge"

suddenly, i thought about gaga lolx. =D
eat porridge + she just said "i kick you to africa!" ytd. hahaha

Exams coming!

2011-04-21T01:51:00.003+08:00

Exams period coming up. prayers in silence
but guess last minute prayers won't do.
need to do some speed training haha
must pass econs and stats well, at least above 50!
well its tough but can be done!!
time to spam my leave in May~~ muahahaha

Listening to: Because of You - Neyo
"and i know this much is true~ babyy, euu have become my addiction~"
first choreo dance learnt from Yi Fan's class
nice rhythm and music, and reminds me of ...

tired

2011-04-12T23:03:00.005+08:00

i don't know how long i can continue to do this...
already my health is weakened. got by today with my last resort
2 panadol, 2 nondrowsy blu flu pill, 1 pink runny nose tablet today kept me going
feeling tired, yet i must strive on. this bridge is dangerous and shaky

almost blew up as i face triple times the frustration compared to normal days
wondered hw i was able to calm down fast enough
even though i may have considerable patience, how long more can i put up with this shyt?
negativity always encompasses one's mind when the going gets tough.
but it is in such situation where greater capacity is obtained
rest, sleep well to fight the next day!
shyt, i mean, study till sleep, and then wake up to rush for work the next day!

Challenge

2011-04-05T23:57:00.003+08:00

went to Tampines Royal Sporting House and T1 Addidas
saw a windpants that i fancy, got Orange stripes. niceee! ^^
but unfortunately no Size S. sighhh =(
thankfully its a new stock so most stores should be selling!
okays~! i've set my sights on it, if i find this S Size i'll buy it!!

elsewhere, today was kinda a challenging day
first time Miss Kong gave me the 2-hours SLA PG to do Creation!
ok lah, at 1st it was 1 extension, simple edit & runthru within mins~
then next 1 MOM so no kick, within a few minutes i'm done~
then following up is 1 MOM + 1 custom, this still within 1 hr =D
dunno why, like now got this shyt i feel like got kick~~
once the 2hr SLA thingy come i will chiong to settle asap~~ LOL!
maybe i'm this "fan jian" of a human, need to have target setting de
then can achieve greater success

effort means everything

2011-04-04T23:49:00.007+08:00

finally got the inspiration to write sumthing
not an easy period for me as i have just donemy 1st reservist
shag out in field exercise, now back to work
April is an emo period, cause all the night class revisions,
PLUS weekend revisions are coming!
May? the UOL exams stretched out over the month

i find myself putting in a lot of effort today, esp after the break from work
as usual i fight hard, but now im fighting harder! =)
dance lesson today was also good, i finally get the beats faster at 1st attempt
not to say, after lesson, as and when i will just rmb the steps in my mind,
picture and sometimes rehearse the steps a bit. it really helps!! ^^
result? i found myself screwing up less and smiling more! hahaha

also saw Rahmuna's fren Hui Jun, she came straight into Hip Hop 1
poor gal, it must be pretty hard to learn at such a fast pace
Hip Hop Intro was already a challenge for newcomers i would say
reminded myself of the first few lessons where i, hmm actually is ALL the guys,
just got stunned and stood there stuck whenever new steps are taught.
then almost all the gals dance pretty well, sure add to the pressure,
like i was with our group of guys, (still scared of screwing up at times)
okay shall tell her to picture the steps in her mind and rehearse next lesson!
practice makes perfect!!

thus for my emo study period, ima work hard study hard cant play hard!!
after this period, ima go find someone join me to help another NKF patient.
good idea since now the vol. program has changed from mthly to once every 2 mths
means i can at least reach out to one more patient.
and give warmth to their hearts, even if by a little bit
will force myself to go beyond capacity,
for this is where greater capacity is reached. =)

also camping out for my tiny stock movement.
I WANT TO SELL THE BLOODY COMFORT DELGRO !!!
ROARRRRRR today the price reached 1.58 but i nvr got to sell!!!!!!!!!!
DOUBLE ROARRRRRRRR. this is indeed the patience game
But i will camp, camp, camp. when i sell at 1.58
i will earn my 300 bucks =)

i must be mad, splitting my focus into so many things
work, study, investment, dance, volunteer work, family, friends, etc
actually im thinking of splitting even further!!

lolx but anw there are some things where effort alone doesnt bring you far..
no problem, you can't be faulted for doing the best you could, can't you?
smile smile smile smile smile =)=)=)
Effort means Everything

Courage

2011-03-23T00:41:00.003+08:00

'in do-or-die situations where you can't forge ahead or fall back,
sometimes staying still brings about the best results
having faith in yourself and waiting quietly until the time comes
that too is courage'

i shall continue putting my faith and believe in it!

April & May

2011-03-07T01:26:00.003+08:00

felt a bit lost as i stepped into March.
In-Camp Training's coming up, dunno if its good or bad
but well i supposed it will be a good break away from work..

study plan's pretty muchh messed up.
dont think i have studied enough, slept too much like a pig lolx
distractions on my mind make me tired, make me just want to fall asleep
sleep sleep sleep take out all the tiredness and wake up after long hrs

April.. it seems so near, yet so far.
passing by sundays after sundays itself is a torture to me
why am i still thinking this way lolx
maybe its cuz i havent given up hope..
yes that probably should be the case

it shouldn't be April that i should be waiting for..
it should be May..
yet irrational thoughts usually override rational thoughts dont they?
im such a retarded LOL

blues

2011-01-12T01:50:00.007+08:00

Work has piled up.
Money paid to RELC for exams fees
its all bluueeeee
drowning~~~~~
only thing i look forward to everyday, is lunchtime...

its the only time i can get much of any smiles i make
SIANZzz...
want to scream, want to rant, , want to shout it out loud!!

Now that my buddy is nw serving his last few days at work
its gonna be even more load for me !@
new applications + extensions + retirement/LTB + ABO stuffs + other misc
keep bleeding keep keep bleeding..
STRESS!! and those stupid calls incoming/outgoing
fking troublesome.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and not to mention i got bad flu/runny nose recently
felt like a retard and slow in doing things. mistakes alot alot >.< ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

okay this sounds more like a normal blog. got complaints!! haha
i give it a try, see tmr how, full spd ahead!
nvr give up, look on the bright side, clr the files asap!

On a side note: these past 2 days i was so close to taking MC..
fugging shagged out, to the point of shivering with the aircon/rainydays
fugging bo hoh seh, knock into things and almost fell twice.
but im glad i didn't. Zhenqi on leave on Mon = 1 man down
today Noh also last min urgent leave Tues today= 1 man down.
heng i never take!

Save save save!

2011-01-03T22:54:00.002+08:00

New year has arrived!
and just about these periods people will ask about New Year Resolutions.
but think most of them ask without knowing their own LOLx

New Year Resolution?
very simple, save more.
i learn one very very important lesson last month/year
if theres a song "you raise me up" there's also another song "bring me to life"

hahaha.. pay exams fees liao must scrimp and save more. imma poor man =(
anyway no time to complain, my buddy Zhenqi is gonna eat grass soon, comparatively
wish him luck in his full time student part time studies (or full time slacker??)

2 more years

2010-12-27T04:16:00.002+08:00

tonite is a night filled with emo-tion
boxing day, i was boxed. no, i jsut wasnt prepared
i had planned, take things a step at a time
i planned 2 steps ahead, but this bridge needed 3 steps, 4 steps ahead
miscalculated, not a total failure though
at least i nvr go bankrupt LOL

anyway i looked on my ironing board(i use it as my side desk)
SIM letter... sigh, payment time is comming, sooner than i thought
last years results didnt help, i have to pay slightly more for extra units attempt
meaning? i have to get ready 2k+ for studies fee payment
miscalculation 2

guess no one can help me. but i can help myself
i have replanned my strategy, its laughable hw things can change fast
its sayonara freedom. goodbye to my sideline investment.
kai xin jiu hao?? (hokkien) hua hi dio ho?
hao ren zao si this one i knw..
i guess i will never be able to be truly happy until i reach my aim
but this aim is now further away.
someone light me up pls.. there is no one..

2 years, i need 2 more years to prep. i will be there i still believe

success!

2010-12-12T17:35:00.002+08:00

YES! finally its over! TROC Year End Events a success!!
im so glad so glad so glad. for it was mostly our first times organising an event of such scale
of cuz as committee chairman i was doubly concerned.
i wanted things to go smoovely and no cockups
phew, and luckily that was exactly the case this 11th Dec~~

happy happy =]=] felt a sense of achievement seriously
by lunch time the crowd was already all smiles, quite due to the charade game
LOL last minuted idea that i suggest one, but it really served its purpose okay!!
which is to heighten up the atmostphere and joy and laughter to the max!!
it really did. ^^

lots on my mind.. but really shag cant think of much to pen down now.
shall repay my sleep debt as a priority
hmm what else.. nvm wake up again then update
but at least i know, these few days.. i can sleep.. smilingly.. deservedly =]

too late

2010-12-05T05:26:00.005+08:00

sigh, seems to me ima really slow retard
seems like i'm always too late. cant help it
late for work late for sch late for everything
this time probably i'm 3 years too late
i want to be punctual just like you lolx..

gonna prepare to go city hall meet Kaka & friends @ 7am
StanChart run!! 10km casual run though haha
but suddenly feel emo-stic
sianz, ok at least this time this morning i will be on time

look on the bright side~
stand chart run.. i will highlight the text the blue SCB color~ =]

silence

2010-12-02T01:24:00.003+08:00

finished work at 8.45!! wanted to cut at 8.30 but still late
managed to reach Bedok Interchange in time!!
carrying my hp stuffs along, i went to find the best buyer possible
li lin said somewhere at the watsons side de lane. Shes right!!
after some checks and quotes of 400-420, the eventual shop i found offered me $480!@
more than what i expected. 0.0
the lady said, if take out screen protector no scratch can fetch 480.
thus i consent to sell ~~ ^^

anyway, anyway. right after i sold the phone.
someone approached me. was about to reject by showing the "no" hand signal
but then noticed it was not credit card (dun have enuf income now anw) or insurance
wanted to get me to commit about 1.26+ daily, or 36+ mthly
but i didnt know if i was ready for this kind of commitment
its like a mini-handphone plan.. + i do donate at discretion at times in the year too
so i think and think, ok maybe a one-time donation..

so fill up and then fillin particulars, credit/debit card details.. etc
then thought hard.. about hw much to donate
at first i thought 50 bucks is good. summore the standard rate~
but then hmm nvm, maybe in charitable mood today
i donate $100 instead =X
not a lot maybe compared to others, but donate 100 means 100 less fr myself lolx

posted some details of this donation on facebook
but decided to remove the post after much thinking
do charity better not say too much, public media facebook
people who see the post may have bad or wrong interpretation
"hao lian" or "act kind".. etc etc better not.
silence is golden! hahahaha

anyway, act or dun act, the main thing is to do the action
walk the walk and then talk the talk~~~~~

patience

2010-11-30T00:58:00.005+08:00

looking at the pic keeps me moving
listening to the song keeps me going
these problems are small, i can deal with it
new test of tolerance and patience

silence is golden perhaps
sometimes, in positions where u cant forge ahead or backtrack
the best position is to stand still (extracted from Naruto)
waiting for one move is all you need
and when i do the one move, its time to move on
big time i mean. 2 yrs, i can tolerate this

let them talk let them say
let the foul mouths stay
from the east to west
my patience is the best =)

iPhone 4

2010-11-22T02:31:00.005+08:00

Lost my old phone last Thurs
Bought my new phone last Thurs
Found my old phone the very next day
(the cleaner returned the next day, God bless the kind soul)
Nw I got iPhone 3GS and iPhone 4!

hahaha was prepared to regard my iPhone 3GS as lost liaos
but then then, the very next day after i bought my new iPhone 4 as replacement,
the cleaner returned and somehow i got my phone back!!
blessing in disguise? well i'm not sure but i sure kind people do exist after all =)
have yet to find and thank the cleaner in person. shall do that tmr!!
now the pain of the problem is to decide what to do with my old phone...
sell away to offset my early recontract loss ($300) or give my sister use..
headache headache haizzz

elsewhere, i would have loved the concept of law of average.
but there was no averaging in EPL this weekend..!! (av. of 2-3 draws per week)
no draws!! T_T the "big money" teams like arsenal and stoke nvr draw
sigh guess my next input will be higher!! its time for them to draw lor
but well that means my next input will be even higher!
time to test my contingency money planning and forecasting and management

also spend a good 2 hrs with my assigned NKF patient together with my assigned partner
doing this (volunteer) work really keeps me on the ground lvl and keeps me in check
just a simple groceries purchase trip can involve much listening & attention paid to the patient
also one of the first few activities where i step out on my own without my buddies company
ideally i would have wished for a "everyone lets do it together" mentality though
nvm to each their own choices and pathes. lets all grow with time!

still planning something for my year-end event. must get the flow right tmr!
nominated as team leader for this commitee, it feels like a heavy load on my shoulders
given bank operations heavy load(average knock off time is 8-9pm), this certainly is xtra baggage!!
somehow i can feel the stress, dunno if its becuz of the tight deadline
or becuz i want to deliver up to expectations. to not disappoint. tough job
less than 1 mth! and we havent get the venue ready.
this must be settled tmr. and come 10.30a.m. later, i will head this meeting again
must make sure every thing runs smoovely and we go from item to item
yes i can do it. im not just adequate as planner, i shall execute my plans well too!
good leadership training for me~~ at work level. its not just some games anymore
sigh. FML. but well if theres things to be done, things are to be done..

*also added my fav English song - We Dance On to my mixpod player in blog
retarded me, took me long enough to add such a nice song!

Nice ride down memory lane..

2010-11-08T02:24:00.008+08:00

i wonder what it is like to dream, or to have a dream..
is it the same for everyone? or not so? how will i know?
what will happen if one day the dream is no longer a dream?
will u feel finally satisfied? Or will you feel void within?
i too would like to know if one day my dream will come true.
and how will i feel then. and how can i deal with it.
anw, that being said, i myself will strive to make it happen.

anyways, cycled down to interchange H2Hub specs shop to repair specs
not spoilt, just one of the nose-bridge came out.
hahaha and it was while trying to gangbang Ben outside khakabo LOL

decided to cycle to see see my previous house. haha the wind was good, the sun's not too hot
1st stop was past my previous workplace - Orleng
my first full time job in life, spent a good 2 years there and gained valuable experience!
2nd stop was at the playground behind Swan Lake (Big Bens Cafe there)
haha it has change a little - used to be sandfilled - now its the standard flooor
next i cycled to Elite park area, another playground there
oh yes, Da Fa eatery and Lian Beng Huat provision shop is still there!!!
after all these years, its still there. Wonder if Winnie Heng, same b'day as me, and sis still stays there too?
this really brings back memories haha

Last stop was at my old house..
where i spent my primary child hood there - its nicely refurnished
okay it didnt looked as dirty as it was back then.
i remember many things of what i did then, was fun times haha
maybe thats why some people rather choose to remain a kid if possible
it ain't that bad after all either lolx

amazingly, they finally managed to build a nice running/cycling path cut through
very nice, i remember in the past i had to walk through a very narrow lane somewhere along to school - now its broad & spacious!

Alas, the wind stops blowing as nicely, and it was time for me to cycle back
All in all, a nice ride down memory lane..

2010-10-21T23:13:00.011+08:00

她心酸, 我也是
我里面, 被沾染
我的痛, 你不知
下雨了, 淋湿透
谁倾入, 是她吗
種盆栽, 费的劲
累的很, 想发泄
难下手

话中有话

我想说的话, 想听的话
你... 看的到吗?

grow

2010-10-10T22:51:00.006+08:00

feel happy for a certain friend of mine
great to see zhenqi working hard towards something he wanna fight for
and that that effort has been received and appreciated finally
=)

anw hope for myself to find my dream someday.
working hard to steer myself in the right path that i have planned
maybe there may be obstacles or unforseen circumstances
maybe there may be unexpected failures
but i will keep moving on and march towards it.
hve a good idea of my ideas for the next 2-3 years

comfortdelgro~ hohoho, showed yet another support line movement
prices has reached the support line from may to Oct.
a good price buy would be at 1.50, good sell price is 1.55-1.58 ;)

yeah guess thats where i'll be headed.
all rounded development and more focus on stocks and soccer
now its time to do something... time to step out a little more
little by little. little by little

我不配

2010-09-23T06:59:00.003+08:00

fav song recently: 我不配 by Jay Chou
dunno why, i happen to like this song quite a lot
became the 3rd most listened-to song in my iPhone mp3 player
i remember after Law's birthday at hammy hse, we all went to khakabo
overnight LAN gaming i just played this song over and over (streaming)

reminded of something when i listen to the song
yes emo songs sounds nicer usually. emo songs ftw

我不配 lolx

Can't Fight the Moonlight

2010-09-09T20:58:00.004+08:00

iPhone playing: Can't Fight the Moonlight - Leann Rhimes

lolx classic song, was one of the nice songs since the times when i was sec 2 i think.
still havent seen coyote ugly the movie. =x
OK will find the movie and watch it soon!

but you know but you know that you, can't fight the moonlight

Thinking with my heart, makes me irrational

2010-09-02T12:23:00.007+08:00

unhappy unhappy unhappy
who could i count on when im down, i guess no one
when others are down, i try my best to be there
but seems like when im down, no one really knows or are there at all
being in the dark at times makes me understand pain & disappointment more
it makes me want to reach out to others
to understand them with sincerity, honesty
thats why i neverwanted to be negative thinker

but why does the similar feeling come back?
misunderstandings? putting in too much effort?
these teeny weeny details, which i observe, just saddens me
observing how others behave makes me conscious of the persons' possible thinking/attitude
with some guts and honesty in speech, sometimes i get to understand what they want/expect.

but why does this simiar feeling come back?
just like how Naruto chased Sasuke in the anime Naruto Shippudden
it seemed aimless, lost cause and no matter hw u try, look hard,
its never within your control.

i've learnt that more often than not, its because im affected by things that i cannot control
is it wrong to assume responsibility for things happened? or just shun away
is it wrong to jio buddies whom you can jio out to chillout/study/chitchat/talkcock/together?
a simple concept of good buddies/friends
is it wrong to put in effort to improve a friendship with anyone?
i mean if say, my clique buddies put in effort to jio things, i will reciprocate & appreciate the gesture
i apologize if i did anything wrong..

in the past, i probably was a more non-chalant guy, more aloof maybe, and i can still be.
but recently one good chat with my dear Elder Sis had me reflecting
she said something like: "even if you care, you must be proactive and take initiative to do so"
thus, even given my crazy schedule, i will still put in effort to fork out some time, do some catch-up, chit-chats, coordinate things etc, to improve relations with everyone.
not on purpose but by willingness.

my strong stand is that as long as its worth fighting for i will give it a shot
if it is something as worthless as a hi-bye, then would i even be troubled by it?
being mindful of other people's point of view, i am usually laid back and try as much to not be the thick-skinned or dominating person
but maybe it is this inquisitive nature in me that worsen things at times.

if i see a problem, i want to find out the real problem.
i wanna seek out what is the underlying root/cause and seek to solve, clear it, not avoid it
unfortunately, i face a select few of these type of problems in life that have been my agony.
i ask questions, sometimes difficult questions. but all these contributes to understanding the problem
it is these questioning, feedbacks that will lead me to understand more.
with it comes improvement. logically its a feedback system
but again, i have failed, to take into account the 'human element', sometimes only thinking the "what should be, by right" logic

Such irony, one mp3 song played when im here blogging, techno/dance song lolx
Listen to your heart by DHT
"Listen to your Heart, theres nothing else you can do"
"i don't know where you're going, and i dunno why"

I followed my heart, and i ask myself why.. and i know the answer...
but maybe it doesn't matter anymore..
1) i took a step forward to knock on the door,
2) no one's there to open/respond
3) i will take a step back

Thinking with my heart, makes me irrational

negative but positive

2010-08-24T00:20:00.003+08:00

2 past weeks of negativity and pessimism
can't help but consume lousy thoughts
trying so hard to dispel this loser feeling,
but things havent been going all too well

a few things to worry about that got me moody
and a few things to add to frustration and helplessness
but of course if i look from a negative pt of view,
then nothings gonna look right don't they??
so its time be back to my usual self!!

i sincerely/remotely apologise to those who may have been affected in this past emo week of mine

2010-08-12T12:17:00.002+08:00

My boss on IM:
LEE Patrick SCE/GCS [11:42 AM]:
You are hardworking guy and a good guy. So, with luck n careful thinking, you can succeed.

If it ain't just pretty or fanciful words, then this is like a testimonial by itself. =]
hope im not just "seems like" but is actually the case.

Life is Simple but human minds are Complex

2010-08-06T04:11:00.008+08:00

Wonders if the saying of "through the test of times" will hold true
Sometimes, perception is cast really in the first few meetups, or engagements
the way u will "look" is the way u present/extend yourself to the crowd
it can also happen in another way. noticeably when you done something out of the norm
one that captures other's attention and makes them think
"didn't know he or she was like that".. etc.
Usually, this will be of a negative impression though. haha

If its one thing learnt in life, it is that it is really hard to get out of a perception cast
very. this is coupled with human natures basic skepticism and the result?
good impression tends to stay okay, bad impressions aren't never gonna turn good, aren't they?
at least that is for most of the case.

sometimes even when one tries real hard, to make an effort. others do not see it
many possibilities, it could be that they couldn't be bothered.
or it could be that they are just simply interested in themselves
or it could be that they noted changes, but somehow, simply refuse to acknowledge and stick with the "usual" sayings
or it could be some theory that ppl will say others 1st so that they will not be e one in spotlight

in any case, some could be hurt in the process if things are not dealt in a good way.
though at most times hopefully, im not the the topic (phew), it is interesting to observe hw people talk about other people and hw that other people talk about people, and etc
its like watching SouthKoreans squabble with North Koreans when ultimately they are just humans, Koreans, and should have re-united long ago. but the human in control make it almost impossible. yes mr north korean president, please fk off and wake up your idea!
and it is disappointing to note that some, for how good they presented themselves to be, hw neutral they "appear" to be, falls into the trap.
or as the saying goes "the Fox tail is revealing.." lol

so usually, people hardly change. they say "certain thing don't change" maybe that is true
but personally i am till today intrigued to understand more why so, the rationale behind it.
somehow it matches up with management studies. similar in a way
classical versus administrative approach.
"what should be, by right" versus "since its like that, i will only do this"
"optimally, we work together to achieve greater goals" versus "we just do enough to satisfice and earn a living"
personally i would relate to the latter ideology/mentality as "weakening of the mind"
ok or maybe its just that im trying, TRYing to think optimistic. HAHA

many variables, one is the ability of the person to withstand "critiques" which may or may nt be true. one more could be the severity/extent to which the person is making the critique
In an idealistic world, one would like to believe that humans will come to understand each other, or try to.
wtf it sounds so much like from Naruto anime -_-
however, in a realistic world, this is pretty much far from it.
in real life, people play politics, they backstab, they "talk" and not do, many other things
personally i would think its essential but only use them when really needed.

Life is Simple but human minds are Complex
trying to understand everyone and every type' is quite impossible
but through observation and empathy, it is possible to understand some traits for some.
It is one of my aim in life to be a better man in overall
status, money, power, family, relationship, friendship, happiness, etc
in no particular rank of order. i'll like to continue to take a leap of faith in all
and continue to work hard towards a better quality of life
i shall not procrastinate, at times i may complain, but i have confidence that,
things can only get better and better =)

Street Dance~

2010-08-03T04:16:00.007+08:00

Watched Street Dance! but not in 3d though..
i dunno why, i think i kinda quite like Dance films now haha
maybe the moves are nice =)

Well, Street Dance this movie was above the average to start with
for a movie which was like an appetizer to the real one i've been waiting for,
(yes Step Up 3D!) YES THEY ARE actually 2 different movies lolx, some got confused
It was quite a nice movie actually,
while its soundtrack can't be compared to the upcoming Step Up 3D soundtrack

nevertheless i've found a nice song, this "main theme" of Street Dance
and beginning to like it ^^

URL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1BkR760o94&feature=related

Lyrics:
http://www.lyricsreg.com/lyrics/n-dubz/We+Dance+On/

Lyrics in Mind:
It’s gonna be real hard
But I’m gonna be okay
As long as I try real hard
I’m always gonna find my way
I’ma find my way

Year 2

2010-07-12T23:55:00.006+08:00

Lyrics in mind: You can't make up your mind mind mind mind mind

Start of Year 2, new season begins...
its back up the emo dark path back home after sch everyday.
but today i had some inspiration to be even more commited to making
the minor bits and pieces of changes that will improve my life as a whole

i will be the boy with the smiles as usual and the one to reach out to others =)
to all around me, that to me is important..
often i am overly caught up with "where i am today", my progress,
the eagerness to move up to the next comfort level.
so much so that i forget a whole lot more important things..
e.g my dear sis, she's delivering like anytime these few weeks!

perhaps i still have that tiny doubt in me that i can be a good good guy
(which i believe i am somewhere there.)
perhaps the ever-wanting-to-improvise part in me wants changes fast
(but the eagerness to suceed conflicts with patience in the long run)
perhaps i am not confident or still shy, not outspoken enough
(saying more may mean more wrong, insensitive things said..)
i also often wondered how strong is my will

but as time goes by and proves, im on the right track. =)
now, to add to the intensity.

ultra wudi emo period 2:
27th July 2010 to 24th August 2010 (IPT sessions spread out)
+ lessons on Mondays, Wednesdays, and some Fridays
+ self-imposed outdoor activities like swimming, runnign?
+ volunteer work, i know what else to add on liao..
+ family time
+ time with friends, buddies
+ work, and maybe time to move on, out of the "protected shell" willingly
+ more learnings on trading related stuffs.
+ many more on my mind

shall have to plan out my emo calendar for next 2 months.
this in all surely will improve my time management to a whole new level..

like the thought i always had in mind: this is something i have to take

=)

2010-07-01T14:47:00.002+08:00

was happy with myself ytd.
was due to submit June timesheet..
then i recalled that for last month, May,
i accidentally forgot to count one day of annual leave taken
but already signed and submitted

it means i took 1 more day of annnual leave for free
that is If i continued to keep quiet about it
glad i had the moral courage to correct it this month.
on the back of my mind: 14 days, 11 days already taken for exams..
left so little days, if i had corrected it means i have no leave till end of my contract period (oct)

maybe there was still a tiny black dark side in me that comtemplated just "closing one eye"
and taking the "free" day. but yeah, real glad, these kind of small temptation tests
i pass it =)
(but now i have no more anual leave =( )

frontstreet girls

2010-06-25T18:07:00.002+08:00

lyrics/song in mind: is this the feeling, i need to walk with?

I Felt My Heartache

2010-06-19T05:12:00.006+08:00

went to my favourite place today. i guess too much disappointments
i haven't been there myself since a year ago
too many heartaches today. too many upsets haha
even the world cup does not spare me..

and all these have to happen within the same day
i'd love to be optimistic and tell myself this is life's lession
test of enduring disappointments but all within a day?
but maybe im losing control. maybe..
hmm no, i refuse to give in to these lousy feelings!

many many thoughts whirled in my mind as i sat there for 2 hours
and i finally gain enlightenment on what to do for some of these things
i'd like to believe that i now know what to do better. =)
some problems are not a problem at all.
whereas some problems are lessons in disguise

i'll think on the bright side, say for World Cup's case,
losing money (due to the various upsets) is a small price to pay
compared to the ability to restrain potential losses.
not too much also, at most 500 bucks. limited at max.
this passive learning will be good for future investments i make
yes money management skills when things are going bad.

other problems. sigh heartache, simply heartache.
England my fav team draw 0-0 with algeria
and xxxxxxx, and yyyyyyyy, and zzzzzzzzzzzzz
no mood to mention liao...
maybe i shud try Lawson's favoute quote

I FELT, MY HEARTACHE

Sebestian will change

for nobody knew him, just as he knew nobody

coyote not ugly

2010-06-04T14:26:00.004+08:00

lyrics/song in mind: underneath the starlight starlight

3 Doors Opened

2010-06-02T13:54:00.002+08:00

lyrics/song in mind: they disappeared now when im dreaming of your face..

Dunno

2010-06-02T03:05:00.003+08:00

don't know what to do
don't know what to say

don't know what to say
don't know what to do

lyrics/song in mind (old sch =x):
every little thing i do, never seems enough for you

and

no more, back and forth, i don't wanna hear about it no more

if it takes the rest of my life

2010-05-30T03:50:00.005+08:00

its almost 1 week after my KL trip.
quite a nice place to visit/shop/eat good food
Madam Kwans~ still havent tasted the Chendol! hahaha
if all turns out to be well, we could be going back there again in Sept~
Jetstar got package muahahahah

and hell im not gonna shop the IT mall again.
WHOLE BLOODY MALL of 5-6 levels
not even ONE PC game shop -____-
the most is selling PSP games, no PC games
sianz, i was thinking of see-ing if theres any discounted price
if cheap i would have bought the Fifa World Cup 2010 xD

elsewhere, a few happy and sad moments gave me this bit of uncertainty
at least the feeling is kinda not sure-dunno-what if-maybe-etc type of feeling
have to admit a combination of various things have affected me more negatively than positively
But there was one thing which i wanted to test, and im real glad i withstood it
as usual its kinda hard to explain why i even comtemplated that idea in the first place
well well, its time to revisit one of my fav. place =)

Song lyrics in my mind: if it takes the rest of my life.

finally a good break!

2010-05-21T20:47:00.003+08:00

Its been a while since i've posted.
hahahaha damn all the mugging for my year 1 Exams
i've never studied so much for a paper in my life,
(and i think it is not enough at all)

one week + has passed since my last paper~~
and celebration with my buddies also done.
hopefully for the exams all went well...
well, POA surely's not gonna make it.
and i have this lingering little fear that Econs can't make it too,
thats if my model/assumption for qn 8 is wrong.
pls pls pls let my answer be close to the model answer!
and it was so sad, i got a bloody unglam red sneezing nose on the econs exams
i used up FOUR packs of tissue during the 3hr exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nose so stuck, sneezing, cant even think properly at all.

elsewhere, YEAH~ ITS TIME FOR A HOLIDAY !
finally~~~~~~~ first thing in the morning see Kaka's "are we there yet?"
can see tat everyones' looking forward to this short KL trip ^^
Heaven finally took pity on us hahahaha
initially we wanted taiwan but couldn't find the right price
Bangkok, thailand, and we got the Red shit happening
(last heard, Central Mall was burnt down -__-)
and we settled for KL, city-life + shopping + food =)
first ever flight trip with my lunch kakis, looking forward to it

ok, its time to go watch Naruto ^^ v

time to get rockin'

2010-04-20T01:00:00.004+08:00

emo period ftw.
its time to get rockin'~
even with limited time, i shall make sure i surpass all odds.
2nd upper is my aim, more realistic and achievable.
if i should fall, minimum i will accept is 2nd lower.
i can do it. Rasengan~

Brave Men's Road

2010-03-16T04:01:00.008+08:00

nice movie Kaiji. abt this loser daring to take gambles
despite failing one time after another, he actually succeed in the end
fish the Tei-ai corporation in the movie.
they stamp their employees with microchips.
gave them the hope if they make it thru Brave Men's Road
and crush it back completely when they resort to underhand methods
wicked monopoly sia.

but in all honesty i believe the message of the movie is simple
"do not cave in under pressure, or give in to testing times"
quite inspiring actually =)

maybe in life there are Brave Men's Road for all of us
its all out there, most of us shun it though.
to preserve the very life that we selfishly treasure
the road will be tough for those who choose the uneven path
but it could be very fruitful one in the long run~

I, for one, now firmly believe in this.
a rich life and a poor life, to encounter both is blessing.
rich not very rich, poor not very poor though, but still have a stark contrast
Certainly i do not want to lead too ordinary a life.

to trade consistently. to a first pot of 50k shall remain the aim
im far from it, but will learn it by hook or by crook
hmm, making a consistent 50-100 weekly could prove to be a good initial target~
can be done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Infidelity

2010-03-08T05:39:00.004+08:00

taking a short break from my mugging for PBF prelims
done 3 chapters only but have taken leave for monday
so think will be able to cover at least 5 main chapters

anyway, was surfing and saw on Yahoo! news on Jack Neo's scandal
kaos.. even him? i mean, he was like a good model for many
especially through his unique take and directing of local movies
which features local core values/culture. something which i admire
and, who can forget the local sitcom very popular then, 搞笑行动.

disappointing to know yet another 'good guy' turns out to be unfaithful husband
this just serves as a reminder/lesson how unlikely things can likely be.
He has a fking family! and god knows how sad/disappointed his family will be..
sad thing, sad thing.
for all the merits he has accumulated, all discounted by one wrong move.
(remember there was a similar verse in Chinese)
poor thing poor thing.

another 'good example to learn from, and not follow..

back to study..

emo period

2010-03-04T04:46:00.005+08:00

Strezz... emo period...
this weeks super hectic with training and also need to study
this coming sunday got the OCBC cycling thing too. haha
hardly any time to breathe .....

好累好累

but i shall proceed with caution.
last paper Principles of Banking & Finance next Monday
after that .. really look forward to relax a lil bit before mugging starts
hope mentally i'll be prepared for the onslaught till May

Job too, when shall i change? when shall i take a break
need to revisit my aims in work. Nov try change?
or after exams start active job hunt?

sometimes even if planned, things dont go accordingly
sometimes i also feel lost. but most of the time, theres no time to feel lost!
simply just going with the flow at times. hahaha
i just need to tell myself that: 'you can do whatever u want to help others,
position yourself to be a giver. but on the other hand, no one will help you.
thus i have to help myself in order to help others'. yeah sounds good to me. =)

i have to constantly remind myself, prioritize, focus, determination
but guess im only human, this usual trait of up, and down, and then up, and down
kena whacked, then try hard, then slacken kena whacked, then comeback
hahaha

"人总是犯贱, All along, if It shud have been like this.. then what should have been... have been not.. Must kena jialat jialat then will really seek change. HaHa "

but thx for the whacking, no whack no gain~!
it is after whacking then u roughly know how to siam or reduce the pain
it shall be more studies sessions and less games
not to the extent of no-life study but really have to focus more this time

chiong ftw ~

Happy Chinese New Year & Valentines'

2010-02-15T04:30:00.002+08:00

hahaha what a coincidence. and i just noticed it last Fryday
that firstly TheLostHeaven, stays at 1xx Punggol Field area.
guess what, the next person i would like also moved to that exact area!
also 100+ Punggol Field area, in fact just opposite!
wtttfffffffff
I'm subconsciously fated to be fond of girls who stay in Punngol Field area?
hahahahaha..

Anyway Happy Chinese New Year & Valentines' to all the cherished ones around me!
may the New Year bode well and all things go smoovely~!

Overwhelming Challenges

2010-01-29T23:07:00.008+08:00

just added and customized ChartNexus a little
created the watchlist for Straits Times Index (Chart Nexus didnt have)
and now creating an additional list of "worth-looking-at" stocks
hahah the list is called bRaVo-Y2K LOLx

such a small customization also took time to set up..
i still have 4 sets of about 10+ pages of CFD notes to re-read
and make sure i fully comprehend..
its definite a Must as i just topped up my CFD account
& ready to start CFD trading after soccer stabilized/cashback most
oh yah, and how can i forget, the ChartNexus "learning page"
it contains quite a good summary of about 10+ of most commonly used indicators
also MUST read up. wow so much to read up and learn

this, apart from the Econs, Maths/Stats, PBF & POA that i have to revise
apart from the shopping to do for Chinese New Year and spring cleaning..
apart from the various random activities scheduled ahead,
apart from my school studies/nite classes,
apart from my time with family and friends,
apart fom my rest time.. etc etc, what else what else?!
OMG, so much things to do and learn, so little time to do so.....

but i shall be Superman.. my Will of Fire is Strong!
I will chut mass Kage Bunshin No Jutsu
I will never give up!
Fire Tiger ftw~

Tiger

2010-01-20T14:51:00.003+08:00

for the new Tiger year coming,
best to keep low profile.
it applies for me too, a Fire tiger.

i dont care if its 1st half of year -wood element
or 2nd half - metal element or viceversa
i'm a Fire tiger. and what i see is: Fire can burn wood and melt metal

the trick is to keep defensive stance and low profile.
yes, so it shall be.

mug in silence, research in silence, trade in silence, "gamble in silence"
lolx. maybe the results will be better?
(Oh shiet.. im becoming more "pangtat"/superstitious)

Brand New Year~

2010-01-04T00:13:00.005+08:00

New Year already, first blog of this year

its time to stay resolute, and fulfil my, umm resolutions.

i had a quick look/reflection at the year
and i realised my mind was weakening towards the end of the year
the mental state was no good. and physically the part time studies are slowly wearing me down
i started to slack more, and have more "weak"/"undesirable" mentality

thank god that i am able to feel it. and galvanise my thots

time to stay focused! even if results still not as expected, no regrets
time to continue my pursuit in knowledge for investment
time to continue my drive for work.

time to do tajuu Kage Bunshin No Jutsu~
my road is tougher, but more fruitful.

Riding the Bicycle

2009-12-29T03:29:00.022+08:00

was reading this blog article when some nostalgic feelings came to me

http://lifelongfreedom.blogspot.com/2009/12/forget-about-achieving-financial.html

im quite fortunate in the sense that i learn things adequately fast

and thus the adaptability. for bicycle i kinda get it at first go

which is something i could be proud of.

While some of my friends still arent good at cycling,

i managed to get rid of the 4 wheels by the first few minutes

and within days i cycle with 1 hand at high spd

No falls, apart from accidents rather.

Nowadays i love cycling at East Coast park, if any

feeling the wind, with free hand cycling~ is just great

with that bit of effort, i could almost stand freehanded at one point

reflecting back, maybe that was not the best of preparations for life

which indeed i have the genius in me, which i believe all along i have,

i lacked that potential to unlock the true genius in me, which is the ability to improvise

I'm at soccer for about 1 1/2 years now, with it targetted as my main stream

and in investment, i believe i have learnt more with some money as price

so, no loss no gain, or rather, lose in order to win.

wins here offset a bit off losses there.

I foresee a new year with both sides winning more than losing

this after all the lessons of trying contra, shortsell, buying long,

buying small, buying big, etc etc. (CFD next)

my eyes simply brightened at these "blind spots" and "internal feelings control"

This incoming year will be the year of good side income,

(i would'nt call them passive income just yet)

At the least, I will earn enough to cover 1 year worth of sch fees

but soon, i will be able to say ~~gambling~~ and yes to investment

Investing is when you know what you are doing, and are prepared for it

Huat Ar~~~

iphone ftw~

2009-12-15T11:28:00.003+08:00

Bought i-phone last fryday.
for the relative costs paid, i believe its a bargain buy
1) its cheaper in lump sum than my previous phone
2) its a whole lot faster and better and customizable
3) i would'nt mind pay a bit more for a whole lot more

value for money :)

nw to customize my phone, must find apps to
1) zoom the bloody camera
2) be able to customize my ringtone to my fav music!
3) what else...

A Tough yet Fruitful Journey

2009-12-06T05:26:00.006+08:00

I guess this is my life, my struggle
my life's struggle. no way i will give up
i foresee many more weekends burnt at home
simply trying to rest whatever's left of the tired soul in me

i guess its simply because i want to balance a lot of things
time is indeed precious!!
i have to balance it between work/studies/play/rest/others
and doing it solo requires much strength too..

maybe thats the reason why i want to gather a grp in Uni
capable of fun outings as well as the dulls like.. -_- studies.
the part-time uni pathway is lonely enough, so cold, so distant
i believe we could do well to share & learn from each other
but its not easy either.

i have some nice plans for the future in mind ..
yes i bet many of my friends will say "plan so much for what?"
and they deem this to be my weakness while im considered detailed
well actually, "plan so much then if die also like that.."
on this mentality, i have another take on it..

i would say: "im not dead yet so i plan while i am still alive, lah"
"when things don't go according to plan, then we shall assess the situation"
"but anyway i'll do my part and plan, so even if i cross road kena car bang"
"no regrets, cuz i have had my plans" =)

Summary

Short-term Goals:
1) Save as much as i can. revising minimum to at least $800 per month
2) Read as much books as i can. being a Slow reader, a target of 3 bks by May 2010
3) Maintain volunteer work with NKF, dropping Renci side though (hard to maintain)
4) Stocks case-studies, from Poems. (30mins-1hr) Once a week
5) From start of yr 2010, study on every weekend (one of the days)

Mid-term Goals
1) Max of 2 yrs at Orange job. To change job to Banking industry related
(need to start accumulating related experience..)
2) 10k net profit by 31st Dec 2010
3) an overseas trip next year - R & R

Lets hope i will not fall short of the targets i set myself. i have faith

i hate sch fees!

2009-12-01T04:48:00.004+08:00

Lets hope i will get fruitful results, PLUS
i still have enough balance in my sch fees loan account to pay 2nd yr
10k initial study loan - minus 1st year payements
im left with 5.2k++ in the "loan account" after abt 7 mths of repayment
if 1st yr exam fees are around 2.2k. i'll be left with around 3k
3k+ about 6 mths more repayment before 2nd year payment
i should end up with around 4.2-4.4k in e loan account by May

hopefully i can pay off the 2nd year initial payment w/o hard cash
so i can have enought available to really start investing.
(expect that by then i will be VERY adequate enough in soccer system as well as stocks)

shall see lol

Prayers in silence

2009-12-01T04:37:00.003+08:00

received a text sms which made me smile ytd
its from my elder sis! good update from her
im relieved to know about it =)
yeah im glad she is fine. My prayers for her have indeed gone well

hmm, im still a freethinker. but i guess im an flexi freethinker
from time to time, in fact often, in such times, i pray for those close to me,
my sister is a devoted Christian. i pray for her, believe in what she believe in
whether it happens for me or not i do not question,
but as long as my prayers are sent through to God, their god in view, i will be contented

guess this is my freestyle freethinker thinking all the way =/

anyway, glad to know my Sis is fine ^^

Next Stop

2009-11-20T15:12:00.002+08:00

was looking at this blog
http://lifelongfreedom.blogspot.com/

haha, yeah need to pick up and learn from other investors
the blogger has some good planning there.
of which i think im still not capable of yet
for now my own plan is to test and try, test and try x 3

i believe, only thru experiencing it yourself then you can feel it for yourself
be it pain, joy, shock, stunned, delirium. Empathy could be the word
to feel it, so you will understand each and every positions/situation
so you would know best what is the best for you
(im talking about stock market)

since im on a low profile low level income now (diploma lvl)
i can afford that bit of risk, rather than lose big in the future
my next move will be to gather 3000 for CFD trial
Contra trial is complete. CFD is next.
Target is to start on CFD by Jan 2010. No going back on my word

Aim

2009-11-17T03:39:00.005+08:00

by hook or by crook. 10k extra gain by end of year 2010
Achievable. lets do it!

$800

2009-11-02T04:44:00.005+08:00

Thanks everyone for the B'day wishes =)
this years b'day was relatively quite.
ever so since i ORD from army or started working
i guess the more fun filled days are just over.

anyways, for this weekend...
cashback for soccer! but for stocks its red atm.
not too much tho. so i'm not duly worried
anyway was hoping to switch to CFD soon for stocks.

i didnt know if my kind of mentality was crazy or what
but i was thinking, im already considered poor
at least i am in my own opinion..
not a rich kid like in the past, yea true, no longer so

so was thinking, i should make the risky move now to get the cash
and then revert back to a more conservative approach to grow
kinda contrarian approach but i think this is my style
i dont want to save to a good lump sum only to lose it later in my life
i rather learn how to handle big money (considered so at this point of time)
(yes i nets in & out in excess of 1000-2000+ every weekends)
rather than lose much more in future like a frog in the well
frog in the well that gets slaughtered for not having knowhows

but if theres a bridge separating the rich and poor,
its guts to overcome one major hurdle
i knew this would be the toughest, yet i still tried
assuming the wall(hurdle) to climb is 100 metres
im at best 30% to my first "pot of gold"

but i know at least i make the attempt to.
even if i dont make it, my savings would be so much more comfy than others
so i up my savers plan now
next mth, it shall be $800 per month straight into my DBS account set aside!
800 is an emotional figure now, my first Big loss in stocks (cosco corp) haha
:):):) yes i can do it, sure i can, even if i have to eat grass i will achieve it.

hmm..

2009-10-28T14:46:00.001+08:00

2 place to decide to be at 12 midnite
one of peace & breeze. one of noise & chaos
hmm or maybe i shud just stay at home..

ahhhh where should i be. LOL

Loss

2009-10-23T11:36:00.006+08:00

i had this nice idea/intention which i wanted to do so for upcoming bday celebration
but i guess no luck to do so.. not this time. sigh :( :( :(

anyway, i just EPS-ed $1000 into the CDP account.
(recalled that i mentioned i was prepared to lose as much as this amount for one trade)
i didnt though. but its kinda stupid to think the way i think now

Can i still feel happy when i lose money? i think i can afford to do so very soon
lets say, 500 bucks in just one shot, gone with the wind like that?
i recalled just joking about it ytd nite, that 2 x 500 can buy one LV bag?
well i think its coming true. hahahahaa

i've won a bit b4, enuf to cover at least my all sch loan repayments for half a year now
now its time to lose a lot more. to learn?
sumhow i hope i got over the psychological barrier of handling "big" money losses
well its not really big after all, but still big
LOL "not big but big amount", another of my funny thinkings

for the soccer stuff last year, there was once i couldn't sleep well for 2-3 days
and the amount involved was even less. i think only 300+ for a few teams then
now its hundreds for just 1 company LOL. i guess my fear is reducing! =)
there was one time i lost 100+ in buying 1goal/2goals for 8 champions league games
NONE scored 1- 2 goals. i remembered that clrly.
eventually, I ditched that for the "draw system" which is way better. =)

for now, im pleased to know i have just lost about $300-400(admin charge) for Cosco
really pleased. cause i had the chance (i always had) to make a small profit of $200-300
but i do not know if it was greed or pure optimism or confidence in the chart reading i learnt
then some corrections had to take place, and i didn capitalise on my win
and by then the price corrected and fell. LOL

COSCO corporation. Fark you. u had to realise the wrong news at the wrong time hor..
i will do WHATEVER it takes to be a master at momentum trade on stocks like you
__

this has to change, i've no doubt about my ability to pick potential stocks by now
almost 80% of the stocks i shortlisted (but didnt buy =/ ) have gone up much in value
eg. China Eratat has risen almost 100%!!! it was 0.125 and now its 0.26++!!
or China Sky was once 0.150, now its 2.30++ !!!
the only question is using which method, and timing of exit (after $x of profit etc)

i guess even if have to lose 2k, 3k (as long as i still have enough left to pay my sch fees)
it should be fine. i will handle much much much more money in future
therefore, i think these small amount lost are like real-life fees
real-life fees for developing my own risk management mantra/model

for now i'll treat it as "instead of saving 700 per month"
its as though im saving 500 per month.
OR
i just spent 500 paying for a stocks lesson
(while others spend hundreds on "assets")

thats a more positive way to think ;)

momentum trading

2009-10-16T11:35:00.003+08:00

my first big investment move.
lets see hw risky is risky.....

momentum trading on the go.
trend checked and money input-ed
either i win or lose.
im prepared to lose, let say 1000 for this one trade i will
now lets see if i will really lose... haha
no im not mad, im treat this as a learning opportunity =)

learning to handle money, with a certain risk management style
nono, should be, developing my own risk management style
to ensure i lose minimal and gain more than i lose.

Target setting-> minimum standard i now set:
earn enough extra to cover my mthly sch loan repayment of $190
(i have already done that for the past 5 mths)
this will be chicken feat soon...
it beats, for eg, having to teach tuition for 4 sessions a month for 1 student!

Its a Rat Race

2009-10-16T03:04:00.003+08:00

sometimes it feels tiring, to drag my body to sch
im glad the weeks over. no thanks to the boring lecturers

todays PBF lecture was monotonous as usual
thought the lecturer did hit some points
it just kinda baffles me. this lec, can say syllabus-wise she's quite knowledgeable
but why is she the way she is now? still a lecturer?

a lot of concepts and theories, but hw issit so that...
all yrs of teaching/knowledge gained din allow her to break free frm the rest
the kind of rat race that everyone is in.......that robert kiyosaki talked about
a world of people trying to outsmart people

i wonder where i stand now. and where i will stand 3 yrs later
this being e 1st year, its easy to say "oh good that you've started some action"
but sumhow i think this is rather not enough still.
i read quite a few books and online tutorials from investopedia
and actually bought stocks already, the fear of putting big money is certainly gone
but it only meant i had some beginner luck as well as some small net profits

but how to consistently earn from market??
especially for day-day or contra style.
technical analysis, i need to zoom in on it. and make it my strength,
i need to explore CFD fast. and options. explore as in BUY IT MYSELF
it certainly doesnt help that im also putting some money on soccer.
this cash liquidity issue will be a pain....

monday

2009-10-12T01:53:00.002+08:00

mondays coming soon -_- working nights! hahaha.
oh well, i hope no monday blues mood tmr
yeah it sux, to have lesson after work on the 1st day of the wk
=/ ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or maybe i shudnt complain. 3 yrs only.
=) i edge 1 day closer to graduation!

All the best, Mark-Num

2009-10-05T03:08:00.004+08:00

Its been about 2 weeks since Mark, my lunch kaki left
wonder how is he nowadays. havent heard from him much
i would say i am rather blessed, as my this is only but my 1st full-time job
compared to biao(aka kahseng) i probably have a much better environment
(apart from the known fact that my workplace is So Near!)

perhaps i would like to thank God, if there is, (freethinker)
ok, for those who believe, i'll say "thank God"
for those who dont, i'll simply go "thanks for everything"
the past 1 year certainly has been fun-filled and not boring
haha, maybe thats why my PSP was lost (lunch kakis will know why =x)

anyways, i think Mark has contributed tremendously to the fun
he was a real happy-go-lucky despite his fierce exterior when he stared
being Philipino (no pun intended), like what i heard about one statistics,
its quite true that they are the least worrisome of all in Asean.

in the sense that they are not gan chiong like singaporeans.

they are very relaxed and know how to talk/humor.

he and his "Mark-Num" instead of Magnum,

and his "Au-Goose" is his most well known trademark

this due to his American slang/pronounciation, hahaha

and the way he imitates is also very very funny =x

this stupid moron, i shall remember him! hahaha

anyways, getting late, shall add-on a pic to remember the happy times

Cheers~

Step Up!

2009-09-30T10:56:00.002+08:00

wow, just finished Step Up the movie ytd
its great, its cool~ and a nice rest followed after
no wonder gayan said she prefered Step Up more to Step up 2
the dance combi was kinda better, (rain dance in Step Up 2's still cool though)

the end dance was like a remix~ (Heavens Remix LOL)
an amazing combination of choreography & freestyle
(IF im not wrong with the terms that is..)
the lady Norah did more of the choreograph,
and the guy Tyler did more of the freestlyle and stunts

well the start of the dance was grand enough, raised my eyebrows liao
then came the part, the part thats more "slow-mo"
with more classic-sounding piano music... damn nice
the girl do her turns and ballet style movements,
and the guy did his freestyle movements while still very much in sync with the girl
NICE! ^^

haha maybe i should start to learn a bit of modern dance~
or social dance and maybe some simple freestyle moves
well it certainly doesnt hurt to know more of everything, anything!
for future use LOL. part of being the "allrounded", "anything" mentality
hehe ^^v

crossroads

2009-09-28T11:05:00.003+08:00

crossroads, again
EPL havent been balanced and normal
so crazy scoring and winnings/losings
no bloody draws coming at all ?!?!

should it be time for panic budget input??
(and with it comes just-break-even cashbacks)?
who will dare to put in excess-of-1k++ for one soccer weekend?
stakes are high, how should i cross the bridge?

seems my last season's experience couldn't help!
if i cant sleep properly just this morning, is it fear?
the familiar "butterflies in stomache" feeling?

capital preservation or loss-cutting?
or go with the plan? is my plan really such a risk?
or should faith hold me through..?
there must be a valuation lesson somewhere
looks like i have lots to consider before this sat...

Classic

2009-09-11T04:02:00.004+08:00

omg im stuck on watching the classic show
Return of the Condor Heroes
yah! the one by Fann Wong & Christopher Lee
apparently it was due to their incoming RL marriage

good to see the classics once in a while. real "jing dian"
hahaha. xD

:) :) :) :) :)
我相信, 把你的名字
念上一千遍, 就会念成
轮回一千, 年的诺言
渡过雨打风吹的考验

我相信, 把你的容颜
看上一千遍, 就会看成
最永恒的预言
有一天, 我们终将改变
变成了, 唯一的传说

Cao Ge - Bei Pan

2009-09-03T03:21:00.003+08:00

shall attempt to sing this song this coming fryday ktv

背叛 by 曹格

雨, 不停落下来
花, 怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人, 欣赏悲哀

爱, 只剩下无奈
我, 一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹着空白
缺了一块, 就不精采

[Chorus]
紧紧相依的心如何 say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己, 完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快
[End Chorus]

心, 有一句感慨
我, 还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段, 还在不在

[Chorus] [End Chorus]

Sorry Blame It on Me

2009-09-02T01:52:00.005+08:00

like always, you feel a bit of ?? question marks,
and a bit of "bu zhi dao na li lai de zha dan"
what is perhaps most disappointing, the fact
that humans like to escape from truth, and avoid problems
instead of facing it and solve it, or come to a calm mutual understanding

relationship, or any other things as a matter of fact,
doesn't escape what ive just mentioned.
my family has had their fair share of communication problems too
hence it made me realise the importance of communication & feedback
even if i dont like a particular thing, i will try to resolve the problem
with varied methods of talking, communication.

perhaps its the logical way i try to look at things,
that i've ignored the often dominant human "feel/think" :(
all these can be eliminated with proper talk. not by avoiding.

perhaps i have only myself to blame too
that i cannot expect others to see things in the same light as me.

i had this real small hope that maybe it could have been
but the hope just perished. should i try further?
logic tells me no, nvr aggro anyone. its just not my style
besides, perhaps i have too much other things to bear in life
ive leveld up in that respect.

i'll just focus on the positives of life, just like Naruto
and never give up for the things still to achieve in life
my dreams, my desire to own one very specific item
and ive learnt to counter inability to slp by reading to slp!!!
(and fyi, my mind just couldnt help it, the self-realization lvl was too high =/)

move on, and lets all get along with life,
i'll pray for your happiness and hope you wish me all the best too.
as a sincere friend.

Back to square

2009-08-30T22:12:00.005+08:00

back to normal.. im glad im brave enough
i do not regret failing, cause its failure through which i learn..

next stop: Investopedia 101 - One tutorial a day
information overload? nope! i can do it~

next next stop: finish Rich Dad Poor Dad part 3
stuck onto it for too long... last few chapters to go!

next next next stop: chiong revision for studies

next next next next stop: don't look back liao

i treasure friendship more than anything,
if not meant to be, lets be friends then, dont need to hide
im mature enough to know when to give up or withdraw
the important thing is to clarify

though even if it kills me i will never stop trying for things i am so into
to the day i kill my heart on whichever thing, then it will be back to square

Regrets?

2009-08-20T11:50:00.006+08:00

i realised that 3 months ago, if say suay suay
i get banged over by car~~
i would have died with not much regrets
cause at that point of time, i have done what i need to, thus far
all rounded development in life, =)

recently, perhaps i do not feel the same somehow
if again, i get banged over by car~~~
i would die with some regrets...
despite(s) a very "colours' added to my life", life
i havent fulfilled one new thing i wanted to do...

the mind is a very intriguing thing
many wonders of an idea came from it
but yet often ppl dun act what they think, contradictory
but i am only human~~(except from Superwoman - Cao Ge)
no wonder i am called "the slow one"... =/

song on my mind: Never Let You Go - Janice

and its the chorus i've been hearing over and over again

what does it take?

2009-08-04T01:54:00.011+08:00

not too long ago a girl, forbidden name, =x, kinda said to me...
"wish you all the best in your studies and hope you find a gf soon"
she added with "i am sure she will feel very fortunate/blessed"
it could be just formality talk but i believe she is truthful with her words
i think that sentence kinda, liberated me, deep down in my heart.
it felt like being acknowledged as a guy who is really able to take care of a girl
i knew from then, its time to move on.. and search for someone in my life

relationship to me has been perhaps somewhat of a mystery
and has eluded me so far in my life, yeah
perhaps i was caught up in the trouble of troubles in my teenage life
since then, army has past, and i have grown, a lot.
now i like to use the term, heart and mind, because im so near to finding myself

to me relationship is kinda simple, guy likes girl, girl likes guy
a bit of courage to open their hearts to each other, and thats it~
a bit of openness between them to work out simple, or not-so-simple differences
a bit of mutual excitement to work on their commonalities
so on and so on, the list can be long. but generally:
heart and mind, mind and heart..
it doesnt really need complicated stuffs at all..
it just need 2 connected and understanding hearts/mind.

no needs for the "quarrel will make us understand each other better"
you dont need to quarrel so damn much just to know each other
no absolute need to.... lolx

no needs for the everyday calls or see each others..
you dont need to virtually be there every single fking day...
no absolute need to.... lolx

no needs for the "get liao must maintain" & you becoming the "only scope"
there should always be trust and freedom (but also must be balanced la)
no absolute need to be selfish to want to keep all to yourself
(if the girl is so into you, you dont need to do anythin, she'll also find you, tio bo(right?)

no needs for many many things,
life is complicated and vexing as it is..
why should love be as tiring and vexing as well??

personally, my idea of liking, then loving is simple
it really all starts from being friends, to understand each other better
then comes a stage where you may/maynot realise you r startin to like him/her
if hearts are mutual, it perhaps take a bit of courage from the guy to ask/hint
(come'on guys, well we are guys we just have to be more brave right?)

don't tell me "easier said than done", i will dare to do the things required of me
as in, the controllable side for me, the guys part..
what is left will be the response, from the girls side isnt it?
and if mutually connected perhaps these questions are just to affirm..

it will personally be heart-melting if someday just walking & walking,
the girl will just cuddle herself around my arms, or hold my hands
that probably will affirm any single doubt for me...
no other words/actions required.. just a look at each other and all smiles :)

All-in-All, the best thing in life is to be prepared,
dont need to feel sad when you lack your one,
like-wise treasure your loved ones everyday as though it is the last
dont go crazy when things go wrong but rather, assess what happened.
this rule applies for anything i guess

S stands for Self, and i would like to quote a nice nice lyrics from the song
Stay the Same by Joey McIntyre

"And when you've learn to love yourSelf, you're better off by far"

Fulfil your self exploration before u start to be involved with others
if you yourself arent stable, your potential relationship will be rocky
oftentimes i see a lot of frens, get gf/bf and relationship so fast,
BUT, only to fall out of it as fast... or have lots of problems which are unneccessary
which kinda proves the point... stability perhaps breeds a more stable r/s
and mind you, not all r/s can grow from rocky when young to stable as they grow
hence the so many breakups during teenage years.

dunno why i have talked so much today =x
perhaps these are simply the thots on my mind which i wanna share
with this last sentence i end, good nites!

i would definitely like to hold your hand someday..

Mind & Heart

2009-07-31T03:19:00.007+08:00

juz finished Naruto Shippuden hehe
kakashi's Chronicles, story of how he got his sharingan
another meaningfull filler in my opinion :)
its 3am and i should be slapping myself for staying up so late =/

meaningful quote i've mentioned recently
mind & heart > face to face > voice > IM > sms > email.

often times i just see perceived images, or brave fronts, & not e 1st or 2nd tier
voices, talks, typing, etc are communication, yet no direct link
sometimes i wonder if i have tried enough, i wonder about what to do
especially so when i try to care, and share.
i think about how much further i can keep trying,
but i think sometimes life is unfair -> it doesnt give u straightforward answers

EQ wise i already believe i should be stable enough to withstand
thots for me are just thots which are inner controlled and
such emotions can be formed & dispelled at will.
for things controllable, its probably all good, going okay, with no major screwup
for things uncontrollable... sometimes, maybe just sometimes....
i wonder if i need to do a reality check...

sometimes, life can be so simple and heart-felt.
its really just up to us to be honest and truthful to ourselves.

心雨

2009-07-28T16:49:00.002+08:00

方文山 really produces nice lyrics..

another nice song, discovered late, as always by me =x

Chorus: 心雨 by周杰伦
词:方文山曲:周杰伦

心里的雨倾盆的下
也沾不湿她的发
泪晕开明信片上的牵挂
那伤心原来没有时差

心里的雨倾盆的下
却始终淋不到她
寒风经过院子里的枝桠
也冷却了我手中的鲜花

no wonder some of jay zhou's songs have been specially chosen
for Chinese Literature in some schs in China, haha

Determination

2009-07-26T01:39:00.002+08:00

woah, tired tired. had a fun filled saturday.
i guess this form of saturdays, more of such days,
will do me very much goood :)

the day started when i woke up later at 9.30
OH SHYT im late for soccer, chiong down ~
as always playing soccer is just so fulfilling for me,
played till 11.20, oh no, gotta go back home bathe

i zhao first, walked all the way home from Anglican(soccer venue)
bath chop chop, everything also chop chop
rush down to the Ren Ci nursing home
only to know the 2 new volunteers wun be joining today
so left 2 of us do the work =/

then the staff nurse ask us hang curtain at the new nursing home block
BUT the curtain hook got like, uh, 30-50% spoil one loh, must skip holes to hook
then the contractor come in say: "Better check clearly, we may be changing hook"
then we sian 1/2. LOL imagine this week we hang up all the heavy curtains
the next session 2 weeks later our job become "take down the curtains for new hooks"
wah if that happens i tell you, i will go gaga liaosssssssss
the WHOLE block okays, means about 20 over patient beds in length, then x 2..

in the end we just clean the cupboard and sweep the floor
kaos the newly renovated block was quite ok, but then hor
THEY USING ALL THE OLD CUPBOARDS!!!!
how can sia.... all old and some spoilt liaos... bth
like for example, one drawer, the roller spoil
i pull out halfway, and the drawer fall to below liaos :S

anyway, did that, went off, met ric & gay & biaos for a brief moment
they go watch movie, i went to meet my lunch kakis for Settlers
wooots, fun filled action, and was a laughter session seriously :D
its all action no brainer games hahahaha, esp the Gesture game~
everyone is really "bi shou hua jiao" or hand and leg anyhow gesture liao
hahahaha, and sorry Kay Kay for e "Large" action tat i accidentally scratch tio u
my bad!! >.<

what kept me going in such taxing activities filled event...
hmm, maybe the thot of "all rounder" and "Determination Rasengan"..
from the Naruto Movie but of course! :)
gosh im such a Naruto fan. wahahaha

Blue

2009-07-25T01:16:00.002+08:00

shyt la, i saw blue and i cant stop myself feelin blue thereafter

Strength

2009-07-22T16:45:00.002+08:00

i realise i need to be stronger
not that im that weak anyways
but, to be even more "zai"

this phase of my life is already to "mo3 lian4"
or condition/train myself to the harsh climates
not too long ago when there were some small issues as well as the start of sch
i realised i coped quite ok , which is good. but somehow i felt its still not ideal
is it just me setting too high a standard or my emphasis on constant improvement?
that i do not know..

what i do know is i must be able to tong a lot of things, heartbreaking or not,
lifethreatening or not, minor or major cases, etc etc.
must be "zai", "eh tong"(can last) or whatever u call it

why does all these thots even come to mind?
probably cuz about 1 week ago i fell sick to headache and flu
i had mc for 2 days and good rest, which is rare
but then hor the very fact that i kena flu for the 1st time in 2mths
irks me.

i dunno whether to look on e bright side tat ..is like:
"i usually fall ill easily" now considered much better loh"
or be unsatisfied that "sian recently got more stressful stuffs and i fall sick liaos"

shyt la maybe its the inspiration of Naruto the anime thats why i start to think like that
wahahaha. ok that is random

anyway its about less than a mth before the verdict on my net profits for stocks
i hope in this recent bull run i can start to make some more net profits
and achieve my target of 3k net profit. =D
i think probably fall short, but if can manage 2k net profit will be good enough also
CAN BE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Drive Me Crazy

2009-07-12T17:28:00.004+08:00

last week passed successfully, ive managed to churn on the reports!
this coming week's a little tricky though
lessons (working day nights hahaha) is on Mon, Wed, Thurs, and Sat noon.
can feel my body bearing the strain. physically and mentally it is taxing indeed
but well i should move on strongly. =)

going gaga soon. ahahaha
song playing now: (techno Expresso vs Cinderella)
"let me get a little closer to your heart, hey don't you be afraid"
"let me dream a little longer you're so right;
cuz its your love that will brighten my day"
"baby you're gonna drive me crazy, falling in love with (me) is easy"
"stay by my side"

i didnt know such lyrics are found in techno.
maybe recently have listened more while chionging report
anw, time to rest~

2nd "Working Nite"

2009-07-08T14:40:00.002+08:00

lol its time for 2nd lesson of the week
Mathematics 1 ~~
but somehow my mind is not on the upcoming lesson
shyt i better /slap myself and focus..

i think im beginning to miss something now
time may tell
but anyway, good news is i hope my reports can catch up and finish
this after the recent data loss. on track to finish by end of week

long week ahead
"tired but not tired". lololol only possible with me

back to school

2009-07-07T00:14:00.003+08:00

First lesson of School
my worst enemy in poly: Statistics
haha, omg, not even Mathes first
but okay i guess =)

i guess it really helps to be part time
the class, oh so quiet, no noises
just people seating in alternating seats
distanced by rows, spaces in between
as expected, hardly can identify any potential study grp

well well, see how ba, hopefully in short future,
i'll be able to at least gather some "easties" tgt
today nvr do much work, Escort interface got prob , canot do anything
hopefully every "working night" will be like this, not so tiring

*prays~

Good Fryday?

2009-07-03T23:37:00.006+08:00

If life has it its way, i would like to say: 你贏了 loh
today is a damn disappointing day.

- migration of data after e-buro workstation cocked up due to lousy harddisk
my working data ALL WIPED
-the migration of data causes some work discrepancy and its always nt very nice if boss spot something wrong and you cant help it cuz u already did your best at that hurried pace.
- Rudolph that gay cb gave me a "whatever" attitude reply when i kindly replied
"transformers 2 is value for moneyy but im on disciplined budget.." .am i a fren or?
- i gotta followup all my work the whole of next week & prepare to start sch on monday
- missed out on one selling opportunitty of one of my stagnant stocks..
- latest update to my soccer spreadsheet is lost with data also
- on the way home, ran out of value for EZ-link, not rich enough to one shot top $100
- on the way home, mp4 player hang. cant even listen to music to chill down a bit..
- going home to a cold nobody environment, everything seem distant when i laid on my bed

initial thots: sibei sian, pek chek, dulanz

on second thots: this is just a test of patience and endurance.
i'll see what i can do and improvise on what i have.
this must be my one of my greatest strengths

and hope u'll be free on/around your birthday.. if not i'll be disappointed

数到五答应我 - 曹格

2009-07-01T11:05:00.001+08:00

Uber love the melody and lyrics of this song. =)

第一次看着你就为你心动
聪明的我怎能让你走
第二次看见你我竟然失控
是我的错请你原谅我
第三次看见你想要告诉你
我真的爱你是真的爱你
第四次看着你我有些要求
希望你能够安安静静的聆听

一.让我保护你
二.让我照顾你
三.所有的要求不能当作游戏
四.接受这命运
五.永远不分离
那最后一个一定要说你愿意

I wanna be your lover i wanna be your man
我只要你开心多一点
Can you be my lover don’t wanna be your friend
给你幸福和永远

repeat
[bridge] ending with 说你愿意
[chorus x 2]

你说你害怕因为受过伤
不需要害怕因为我不是他~

[chorus]
[end]

因为我不是他

2009-06-30T11:49:00.001+08:00

walking out of a Mini-Toon™-like store
she suddenly put her hands on my shoulder from behind
"背我", (aka piggy back), she said i paused,
and heart slowed, breathing harder abit
and said "hmmm here shopping centre i shy.."
"no fun one.." *continues walking, breathing continues

really sry to disappoint, i dunno why i wasn't spontaneous
maybe i dun want to be in the shadow of another person
now .. am i not bold or im just dumb dumb...? haha

my fav song has this lyrics:
因为我不是他.. haha..

nvm next time can do better~

A 10 attracts a 10

2009-06-25T15:36:00.002+08:00

Fathers Day dinner
had a small chit chat with Bro-in-Law Qing Yuan
he mentioned about his passion in real estates
while for me its more into stocks and soccer
haha lets exchange pointers in future.. =)

otherwise, he mentioned sumthing like this:
"see how la, a 10 attracts a 10"
"and in similiarity a 6 attracts a 6"
"u cant really have a 6 attract a 10, will be very hard la"
i proceeded to tease him with "heh then my sister leh??'
lucky hes streetsmart enuf to give a politically right answer.

hell yeah, and hence the need for constant improvement
and i wonder what i will attract? hahaha
(kahseng aka biaos will sure come and say 0, LOL)

2 weeks

2009-06-22T01:52:00.002+08:00

i cant believe sch's starting in after 2 weeks time
06 July. test of mettle. but i believe i will come out stronger
everyone have their own path to carry, mine may be slightly tougher

heart and mind

2009-06-18T03:25:00.005+08:00

in the short instance she grabbed my right arm in the darkness
and stuck quite close to me due to the blackness & fast moving cyclists
the sudden closeness, i felt like just hugging her and stop there
my heart probably said yes. but my mind told me i shouldnt.

it told me the time is not rite, at least it is not for her i know
the closeness in proximity perhaps didnt mean anything , for now
so i just stuck out my hands to sorta shield her, hands on shoulder type
and swap place wif her to continue walk on the safe side of the road

believe she will be too preoccupied with her other thots.. to even see this post
hope she will be fine, yes i'll pray for her..

i wonder when will it be that someone will think of me =/

"where someone thinks of you, that is one place you can return to"

Friendship?

2009-06-02T12:00:00.003+08:00

Theres this ex-classmate, whom i treat as good enough a friend
though may not see him for quite a few months
we have our differences, yet still okay okay
still, regard as a good friend.

he wanted to borrow 500 from me, lolx
(on the fact that he is a business owner(as he claims to me)
i do not understand why a business owner dont have spare cash at all.
500 i definitely do not have in my active account,
(i had at most $300 budget for the remaining of the month)
my other savings were either self-imposed "locked" or in CDP account

so i felt paiseh not to have enough to help. well, money,
money is a sensitive issue isnt it? 500 means 5/7 of my savings per mth!

and so the following day, he asked for 100 bucks (... i have enough.
i lent him. i did I-bank over by lunch. so as to address his problems fast
i help him cuz he mentioned can return latest the next day
so i asked the next day and a few days later and a few more days later
no replies or whatsoever frm then on.. lolx..

thankfully, I'm prepared. money lent = money out. unless is a true fren.
so lets see if this fren is true. . or a 100 dollar frenship>?i will not press much more, lets see if hes "auto" enough, lets see... lolx
i will wait and see, i will wait, let say 1 mth. i am very patient :D
(if i have to pay 100 bucks for each frenship i'll be pretty broke!)

i already thot about the various outcomes and the various actions/reactions,
and i realised im chuckling as i typed all these. hahaha
if it pays to fail, then i will fail more, to be wiser.
just like World of Warcraft....
"You are Not Prepared"

Precisely i am prepared thats why i thot WoW was boring........

i spent more money than usual today!

2009-05-24T01:38:00.004+08:00

bought a gift today :)
very nice and cute, and a lot.
wahaha shall not mention further details
have been trying to find it high and low
but cant really find what i had imagined
oh well, this is good enough, at a good price

reminded of some things.
it is decision time. someone asked me some random question last nite
is it better to have chance, last chance or no chance?
given the timing of the question and the period,
i was at a lost of words. hard to explain or describe :(
needed some thots and i finally figured out how i would answer that

good "shou huo" today nevertheless ^^

Roller Coaster

2009-05-12T11:36:00.006+08:00

I remember my post before about Life being a Roller Coaster, and my take on it
i havent really lost sight of it.

http://bravo-y2k.blogspot.com/2008/09/life-is-roller-coaster.html

i so wanted to mention this in a convo but realise it could be outta control
i shud just shut up and listen at times lol.
its my failure if i fail to get you to talk

2009-05-11T02:35:00.004+08:00

it is not often in life that i find someone whom i want to understand day by day.
bold sentence this may be but its all true for me.

when i get less than positive response
i'll ask myself " is it me? am i nt good enough"
or "did i do/say something wrong"
the feeling, that kind of feeling sets in

when sincerity is met with an iceberg, i found myself clueless

heart sank feeling

why, why is it that the ones you are looking forward to,
are never looking forward to you... am i nt good enough?

the feeling of loss. the "i should have done so feeling"

2009-05-10T00:17:00.004+08:00

LOL
i just check ESPN.
Bolton 0-0 Sunderland
Everton 0-0 Tottenham

i was supposed to put 300 on Sunderland and Tottenham
(for neutral readers its no longer termed gambling
it was a calculated measure to buying and profitting
it was investment that was tested and proven Success)

300 bucks would have meant 900+ moneyback for 2 draws
it meant i would have capped the "season" on a high note - 2.5k profit.
but oh well, i was happy i didnt buy :)

you see, i have made net profit of 1.8k and due to put in 300 this week
But, there were only 3 games left on the fixture.
i had to decide if i shud stop input and forego future profits
(profits like this very week which i just missed out on)

i think i was wise not to input. if i had input, and still no draw
i had to continue follow up, which meant more input.
i was more than happy to stop at the profit i had already made

walking out of the MRT, i had to decide.
Turn Left (to meet ric and frens at Fish and Co park mall) or
Turn Right (to the Plaza Sing Singapore pools outlet)

i decided, "to the left to the left"
i was prepared to missout on huge potential profits to counter huge potential choices
i told myself, "if i miss out, so be it, cause it is not part of my "portfolio"

all-in-all, im very glad i made the choice to turn left and stop for this season
i leveled up in real investor thinking~~~~!

Light

2009-04-27T15:37:00.004+08:00

I no longer need to see the light at the end of tunnel
no longer need to look forward to such

any day, i can open door to a world of darkness
but i can choose to switch on the lights or rest in peace

=)

taking control

2009-04-20T11:52:00.004+08:00

my mentality was that im nvr ready, im nt prepared, etc
that made me strive to move on and on,
nw i have a chance to slow down the pace and steps.
hw shud i deal with life? esp when uni is coming soon

can my optimism, slightly new-found, bring me through?
or still some selfdoubt hold me back like it used to?

can my reinforced confidence shine my path?
or still some sense of insecurity clamp my courage?

i wondered a lot of things, and i dunno if i have done the correct things
yes the past week i really dunno whether i should have done what i did
or say what i said, or chose what i chose to do.
a struggle between reality and still dreaming.. no one will understand

having this "solo" mentality made me wonder time and again,
when am i finally ready, hw do i define ready anyway.
is it 'being stable'? then what is 'stable'
is it 'maturity'? what is considered 'maturity'
is it to what myself think, or is it to what others perceive as,
is it a comfortable income? is it a blooming personality?
or is it being all rounded in each aspect?
(i always thot it was that, but even then i need to know to what extent,
specifically and clear to my eyes)
i'll give myself some time to think over, and define it.]

i still have plenty to review
i need to know where i stand in each area/aspect now and in the next 3 yrs
i need to know where i can go along my path
kaos, life is troublesome if u take control of it yourself. sigh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

am i stupid to keep thinking of 'what may have been". yes that girl.
its her bday next mth. shes my 9-10/10 scale girl. definitively
ive knwn a few decent girls but few can match up with her lol.
with due respect, but they are far off mans =x
but maybe im not that standard yet so i dun deserve such a nice lady
maybe there were others around me, but i dun see them
maybe i should be the type to ask for numbers from girls
most say im stupid, i would say im just not that into them. lolx

time to work~

so alike

2009-04-12T05:35:00.003+08:00

saw someone like her, very much
hairstyle, size, facial features side-wise
she was in pink, just at the next cabin
i couldn't help but just keep peeking and
kept wondering, wondering, if its her indeed...
but tooo crowded =/

but cant be, her stop was even further than Bedok
which is rare as her mrt line is supposedly NE line anyway
haha i must have seen wrong, but hell, really look quite alike.
=\

Uni Application

2009-04-08T22:35:00.003+08:00

Payment made, Offer accepted Part 1 completed
now left next week, Part 2, RELC , submit documents again -_-
yes, submitting of all documents again.
same set of photocopy which i gotta do tml. =/

life is going to get tougher from July onwards isn't it?

nah no way lolx. i won't let that happen. =)

Sundae

2009-04-06T21:57:00.003+08:00

had a good sundae outing with my lunch clique
we went to Escape Theme Park
wow searing hot sun it was...
we waited one hour, or almost
for a thrill of 3 rounds for the go-kart =/

not bad, kay kay was infront.
after she went off, desmonster was behind her
followed by "utama' tan jing han, and then me
after the lane was wide, dez shot infront of kay kay LOL
then jinghan and me curve around her

imagine going up circular slope like in carpark..
kay kay went into the inner lane, jinghan middle lane
i was the outer lane, when we reach the top(3rd floor i guess)
i overtook them despite outer lane, jinghan followed
and poor kay kay was behind, =(
but i have to admit the part when the 3 of us were side by side..
trying to go up the slope tgt, was damn hilarious.. hahaha

kay kay later had a headache from the bumpy ride
so she went to rest while the rest proceeded with lunch
then she went to rest in dez's car while we proceeded
i applied and got my nebo membership as well
hehe, good membership this is. quite some vouchers and privelleges
and even go party world ktv got 20% discount! lolx ktv..

anyway, by 3 pm kay kay was revitalized. we all were ready
"Confessions of a Shoppaholic" hahaha
"debu" mark thot it was a sissy show, well it was a little
but it was great financial lesson if you look deep...
so true, and true, very true, to the point u only slap urself when u realise
perhaps the rich can afford to do so, but for most average
credit is "silent poison", numbing you and killing u as time ticks on
thats why robert kiyosaki's rich dad says "don't be average"
i will be "better than average" in the future, for sure

Quotes: "Hi Im Sebestian, I'm not a shoppaholic,
I just spent solely on food and just food, a need, today"

"Do Not enter this call, this is someone calling,
Do Not enter this phone, this is someone calling"

Time/Choice

2009-04-01T03:19:00.005+08:00

lyrics from "Time" by backstreet boys,
(just this excerpt)

Time, Look where we are
and what we've been through, baby
Time, Sharing our dreams
Time, Goes on and on everyday,
Time is what it is, come what may

Life is simple.
Its all about choice, just dont regret it...

departure

2009-03-23T11:09:00.005+08:00

Departure, not the movie, lolx

how ironic that when I ever became the "bad guy", theres a change..
i remembered once, i purposely PK rudolph(not in anger but in goodwill)
because of his in game fuckedup, his attitude in game has changed ever since.
this time though, its more of a negative change or maybe for the better, idk..

it takes 10 yrs to forge a frenship/relationship but just 1 hr to destroy it
(i've always said the same things over and over but they are true mah!)

i still remember the times, we all play dota, also open to challenges
we may lose, but we also thot "so be it". this thinking have never changed at all
No coms was a fact, its probably seen as an excuse but that is the fact,
and it was what i mentioned super intially, about availability of coms. i was right
in honesty, i would say i really foresore all the possible things that may happen.

so before i pressed the "send button" i gave it 3 thoughts. i knew it would spark reactions
and maybe that is the final thing for freedom and release. she would never understand
the way i saw it long ago,

-> 2 different groups of frens, doing the same type of things -> LAN
with DUE respect, but u can call it lifeless if you want, going in to LAN
finish 1 rnd of game, come out smoke break, then go back in. continue
haha, its like every group that goes to lan shop. just like our past, everyones
anyway we were at starbucks while they were at lanshop. over a cup of coffee.

the girl is fortunate, she got choice, the 2 groups. she enjoyed the other group more
she goes over, and enjoys, very much due to her closeness with the other lady.
its really more of personal preference of who u want to be close with.
and its apparent the choice was decided long ago. when the "tugging" happened.

the only thing was the conflict with my personal belief, in that i fight to try to keep peace
the many times there were conflicts, im hope im not part of the trouble most of the time
i asked for feedbacks, and tried on my part to conveey feedbacks, myself. it failed. FAILED
its gave me the feeling Naruto trying to chase Sasuke, a treasured fren,
but sasukes choice to leave was there already.

on a personal note, ive done what i can and also got others to help as well.
as a 3sg i ask my clerk to do this and that, but i perform the similar tasks as well
they all know how i do things. and they do give me due recognition.
if say: i tell u to do this but i just slack and slp, then i deserve some scolding.
but i tried doing it personally and also asked the best external answer for help

i knew whats the formality and poiltics but i never like it, even in workplace,
i choose to be sincere and not to be fake, my conscience is clear..
this is what is called more logical. or should i say, i simply cant console her.
she found me naggy and frustrating. it was clear.

im like a sniper in maple, and hunter in wow. very much capable solo & team players
i could help to freeze-thaw (icebreak?) in team game, help to misdirect/offtank for wow.
but it is indeed a very sad thing i can't do it in real life.
in the end, i cant resolve conflicts between other parties.
i cant help people if they do not want to help themselves solve it
remember it always takes two hands to clap.

i've done what i believe i could do but apparently its not enough.
she didnt even know im tanking sumthing..
is this what i called "protection"
something which gave me nightmares for some occasions
that very sucky feeling of "Not being able to protect a younger-sister-like or wan bei"
if i weren't a "heart"/personal person, i wouldnt have been bothered, but fact is, i was
i shall not say more. its a blessing in disguise to be ignorant for some things.
she wun see this anyway, shes pissed and maybe very.
but its better if she is and really hope she finds joy with e other group company

Sincerely,
from the heart ( i always do but ppl cant see)
Sebestian

Ganbatte

2009-03-17T15:12:00.004+08:00

Hang in there. you will make it..
you must have an inner strength stronger than most
you will have it. believe in your strength!
and maybe by now, you are already stronger than the rest

Personality

2009-03-15T23:25:00.004+08:00

http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/index.html

Biao showed me this website and said quite accurate
yes it is quite accurate for me lolx..

and yes, it showed i have good taste =) too..
the characteristics are all so similar.. its too late~~

hahahaha,
Jacks of all trade, master of none. this will be the force to push me higher